Serving Challenging People

You know when you first get to a church, and everyone is excited about the new Pastor and how he will lead? For us, that ended quickly when my husband, Billy, moved the chairs in the auditorium. The chairs you are never supposed to touch because everyone has their “assigned” seats that they have been sitting in for years. The rows of chairs were unusually long and hard to get out of, and the aisle was not handicapped-friendly. Billy thought the first easy task would be to reorganize the chairs. Well, you have never seen such confused people that first Sunday. No one knew where to sit because “their seats” had been moved, which started our first of many complaints about messing with things that had always been that way. Lucky for the church, that is Billy’s favorite way to lead.

One of the stories of the children of Israel that has always stood out to me the most is when God freed Israel from slavery in Egypt. The people had been traveling for about 45 days to the land God had promised them when they decided they did not like how Moses and Aaron were leading. I love their overly dramatic response in Exodus 16: 2-3. “The entire Israelite community grumbled against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness. The Israelites said to them, “If only we had died by the Lord’s hand in the land of Egypt when we sat by pots of meat and ate all the bread we wanted. Instead, you brought us into this wilderness to make this whole assembly die of hunger!”  This is perhaps one of the best illustrations of serving in a church in all Scripture. God called Moses to lead Israel to the place God was preparing for them, and the people blamed Moses for leading them. 

Let’s be honest with each other for a minute, Pastor’s wife to Pastor’s wife. We are leading the children of Israel some days in our churches. It is okay to recognize that the church members we love and serve are just as disobedient, rebellious, and complain as much as Israel. It is also okay to admit we often respond to our people like Moses did in Numbers 11: 11-12. “So Moses asked the Lord, “Why have you brought such trouble on your servant? Why are you angry with me, and why do you burden me with all these people? Did I conceive all these people? Did I give them birth so you should tell me, ‘Carry them at your breast, as a nursing mother carries a baby,’ to the land that you swore to give their ancestors?” While the children of Israel were sinning against God, so was Moses. In Exodus 17, Moses had enough of Israel’s complaining and disobeyed God in frustration (Exodus 17:1-7; Numbers 20:12). Now take a minute to think about your go-to response when the people you are called to serve are frustrating you. Do you snap back at them? Complain about them behind their back, either out loud or in your thoughts? Or shut down and try to avoid those people in your church? Serving broken people is not the joyful experience we would like, but it is what we are called to do. Here are some things to keep in mind when serving challenging people.

Understand who you are serving. There will always be people who are challenging to serve. As pastors’ wives, we see the worst of people, often directed toward our family. At some point, we all have had people in our church talk behind our backs, lash out publicly at the Pastor, or constantly complain about everything we try to do. So, how do we serve those people? We take a deep breath and remember that we serve Jesus by serving them. I may not always feel like serving them, but I always want to serve God. “Truly, I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.” Matthew 25:40. 

Be ready to listen first. It is easy to jump in and start doing when meeting people’s needs. I am a problem solver at heart, so my first instinct is to fix whatever I think needs fixing. However, through the years, I have learned that I need to listen first because sometimes, what I think they need and what they need are two different things. Sometimes, they need a solution, but sometimes, they just want to be heard. In listening first, I often see the heart behind their words, which can lead to a needed discipleship moment. “To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.” Proverbs 18:13.

Don’t serve alone. Jesus, our perfect servant, could have done His miracles and teachings alone. Honestly, it would have been easier. However, just as He is our example of how to serve, Jesus is our example of how to disciple others (Matt. 28:19-20). We were created to be in community, and, as a Pastor’s wife, that includes serving. We do our church a disservice by not including others to serve alongside us. Now, I’m guessing you are wondering what to do if no one wants to help, especially when helping a challenging person. A key to getting help is asking specific people for a particular task. The next time you have a challenging person to serve, ask someone to help you and tell them what you need them to do. “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds,” Hebrews 10:24.

Develop a humble heart. Serving others is not always joyful, especially when serving someone hurtful. While I wish I could have a servant’s heart like Jesus, more often, I am driven by emotion like Peter. I must disciple myself on humbleness when I don’t want to serve. Often, when I do not want to serve a challenging person, my view of myself is higher than my view of God. I shouldn’t have to humble myself to serve someone I don’t feel deserves to be served. Aren’t we glad Jesus did not have that same attitude towards us? He humbled himself to the point of death for me and you. I can serve someone hurtful because it is not me they are hurting. They are lashing out at God. “Adopt the same attitude as that of Christ Jesus, who, existing in the form of God, did not consider equality with God as something to be exploited. Instead he emptied himself by assuming the form of a servant, taking on the likeness of humanity.” Philippians 2: 5-7.

Taking it further: Think about the people who are hardest to serve. Why are they difficult? Am I responding to them like Jesus or in a sinful way? Am I serving them in the way they need to be served? Read the story of Ruth and write down Ruth’s attitude as she served her bitter mother-in-law. What words did Ruth use that showed her heart behind her actions?

For a book on developing a humble heart like Jesus, try Gentle and Lowly by Dane Ortlund.