Learning to Not Do It All

I feel it in my shoulders first, then the pit of my stomach, and finally it feels almost as if my throat is constricting. My familiar friend anxiety. It can manifest itself in all sorts of ways, but today it was my usual. Standing in the kitchen I felt overwhelmed by the prospect of things I’ve left half finished, not even started, and even the things I know I’ve forgotten. I was staring down the clock, my nemesis, and wondering how I lost a whole day yet again with hardly a thing checked off my to do list.

There’s a million books, podcasts, and blogs, all about how to maximize our productivity and get more done in a day. I’ve probably read or listened to most of them; I’ve probably tried at least half of their tips. I’ve decluttered, I’ve brain dumped, I’ve tried all the apps and paper planners, and yet, today, I realized I’m a week late on writing this post. It slipped through the cracks. Something always does.

But here’s the worst part of it. I beat myself up. The prospect of getting dinner started and laundry folded was not the reason I could feel that panic attack rising. It was because I had let down someone else (or in this case an editor and possibly whole team of writers, our director, our readers, etc.). I never care if my own stuff doesn’t get done, but I cannot stand to let someone else down. It shakes me to my core each time.

So I asked my husband to run the evening activity carpool and take the toddler with him, while I ignore the dinner dishes and write these words of advice. On a subject that I constantly and consistently fail at. I trust you can see the irony.

Over the last almost 20 years in ministry I’ve had to learn time and time again, I cannot do it all. I might give it a pretty good shot, but I’m not equipped, and I’m not meant to do it all. Let me repeat that: God does not equip or intend for us to do it all.

Sometimes we need a restart

Now and again, I dream of wiping the slate clean and beginning over, I love the fresh feeling of a new year. At the beginning of each school year, I try to sit and think, but most importantly pray, about my commitments and if they are working or need to be changed in some way. It allows me to reconsider if this is the direction I’d like to pursue for the next nine months to a year.

Sometimes we need a fresh start to allow us to get things done. This could be a new location, a change of pace, or a new outlook. Peter knew how this felt. He was as low as he could get. He had turned his back on his Lord, Jesus, not once, but three times. He had fallen just about as low as he could. But then Jesus is resurrected and talks with Peter showing His mercy and grace. Peter is given the opportunity to be restored to his leadership position, but more importantly his Lord. He was able to restore his relationship and do great things for the kingdom of God and help to build His church.

What is something that you can refresh in your life? Something you can clear off and begin again? Are there a few commitments in your schedule you could step away from? Is there something you need to ask forgiveness for that you’ve been hanging on? Can let it go for good? Maybe it’s as simple as clearing your email inbox knowing if it’s important someone will check back in with you.

Sometimes we need to ask for help

I’m the absolute worst at this. I would much rather bend myself and my schedule out of shape instead of asking for someone to help with something. A while back, someone was trying to help me with an event at church and phrased it in a way that I could not dismiss. She asked how she could help bless me in this ministry. Once I viewed help as blessings to me, to those helping, and ultimately to all those involved, I began to see it in a different way.

Shortly after Mary learns she is to be the mother of Jesus she leaves town and heads to her relative Elizabeth’s house (Luke 1:39-45). It’s not explicitly clear on her reason or what happens during the three months she is there, but I have some ideas. You see, Mary knew that Elizabeth was carrying her own child, also one of unusual circumstances foretold by angels. She went to Elizabeth for help and advice on how to possibly navigate something of this magnitude. Elizabeth was the closest thing Mary was going to get to someone who understood.

Is there something you are doing that someone else could do more effectively or be blessed by the task? Could one of your children be in charge of the dishes, or even making dinner once a week? Is there someone gifted in music ministry at your church that is sitting on the sidelines waiting to be asked to help? Is there someone who could come alongside you with a business venture so that you don’t have to reinvent the wheel? Don’t be a martyr at the detriment of what could be a blessing to someone else.

Sometimes we say no or quit

A long time ago I led a ministry at our church and felt that God was telling me it was time to let it go. The problem was that it was a great outreach for our church. It brought many people every other week into our building and led to more involvement in a lot of other ministries in our church. When I told my husband that I felt that it was time to let it go, or at least for me to walk away from the leadership of it, he understood. However, when he told the church board, they did not. They couldn’t understand why I, as the pastor’s wife, would walk away from and essentially kill (there was no one else to take over the ministry) such a thriving ministry. They asked me multiple times to reconsider, but I remained firm, even though at the time I didn’t know what God was doing.

As it turns out God had a lot of other ministries planned for me (including being on the Flowers Team!) and I just didn’t know yet what God was up to. I had to take that step of faith in saying no and quitting to step into something even greater.

We all have our own jobs to do. When we say yes to everything we make it harder for others to do the job they were meant to do. In 1 Corinthians 12:12-27 Paul talks about how we are all members of the body of Christ and we each have our roles. We are not each supposed to do everything, or one thing only forever, but we are each to do the thing(s) God calls us to and that is how the body works to its best advantage.

Where is an area where you could build in more margin? Is it saying no to staying up late to get up earlier and have more quiet time? Is it saying no to being on one more leadership board to do something behind the scenes where you have seen a need? Is it just simply saying no to one more thing being dictated by an outside force? Before immediately saying, “Yes!” make sure that you weigh the cost of it.

Recently my favorite story of those who learned to not do it all comes from Exodus 18. Moses is leading the Israelites through the wilderness (talk about a tough job!) and is spending a lot of his time acting as judge for the complaints and disagreements of the people. Jethro, his father-in-law, sees all he is doing and tells him, “‘What you are doing is not good. You and the people with you will certainly wear yourselves out, for the thing is too heavy for you. You are not able to do it alone.’” (v.17-18) Jethro is able to help Moses and  advises him to delegate to others in handling minor disputes, but for Moses to continue to do the things God has called him to do. Jethro says that Moses still, “‘shall represent the people before God and bring their cases to God, and you shall warn them about the statutes and the laws, and make them know the way in which they must walk and what they must do.’” (v.19-20) Moses learns here, and we would be well-served to learn as well, that not doing it all doesn’t mean we are not doing anything. It means that we are able to look at all the choices before us on how to spend the limited time we have and make the best decisions we can with the help of the Lord.

Lord- Help us to be women of intention. Help us to learn to live contentedly within the space and time and resources that You give us. Let us feel the weight of our decisions and learn how best to serve You and Your kingdom. Help us to say no graciously and say yes joyfully. Most of all help us to live faithfully seeking Your will as we await Your return. Amen.