The day my husband stepped into the role of Pastor at our first church, I immediately acquired a new role of my own – Pastor’s Wife.
What exactly does that mean? Why did my husband’s occupation come with a title for me as well? Does society coin the title “Mailman’s Wife” or “Mechanic’s Wife” or “Bus Driver’s Wife”?
Does every woman immediately receive a specific set of responsibilities the day her husband signs on to a new job?
I would suggest that the role of pastor’s wife isn’t as complicated as it may seem, though it’s no small undertaking. It does come with responsibilities of its own, but not the responsibilities the church may assume.
When my husband interviewed for his first church, I was a 23-year-old, shy girl.
I remember it like it was yesterday – the day we sat in the church library engulfed by the elders who were all wearing fancy and intimidating suits.
This was new for me, and as they asked my husband questions about his potential role, I thought, “Please don’t ask me any questions!” I was shaking from the panic and fear as my thoughts continued, “I’m not in seminary! I don’t preach, and I’m not here to be ordained.”
And then the first question came to me, “How will you serve, Amber?”
As I gulped, I tried to answer the question in a way that would honor my God and my husband while my head spun with fearful thoughts again. “How will I serve? I’m not a choir director, and I’m not a Sunday school superintendent. I don’t have any intention of planning the next missions trip, and I’m not a gifted speaker. How will I serve? How will I serve?”
And then it came to me.
My answer to the elders was something like this:
I am a good wife.
I will be here to encourage your pastor when he needs a shoulder to cry on. I will help him as he struggles privately behind closed doors when times are difficult. When he questions his calling as a pastor, I will be here to lift him up with Scripture and remind him that God has called him to feed His people.
When he stands on biblical truth and it goes against the popular opinion, I will be here to show him support and let him know that everyone in the world isn’t against him.
I will celebrate the breakthroughs in counseling no one else can know about. I will comfort him. I will give him my time.
I will be faithful to love him and care for him when it seems like no one else does. I will love him like no one else in the congregation can, and I will be his biggest cheerleader.
As a pastor’s wife, you may feel like you are called on to do all the jobs no one else in the church wants to do. Let’s face it – in a small church, there are a limited number of volunteers.
Maybe you find that you are constantly filling in for nursery. Or you’re the one that people call on when they need a substitute Sunday School teacher. Maybe you organize the prayer chain or are in charge of funeral dinners.
Sometimes it feels like the expectations placed on you as a pastor’s wife are almost unreal.
I know the pressures that come from feeling like you should be all things to all people. And it’s good to serve joyfully. We should serve joyfully and faithfully as a member of the body of Christ, not just because we are a pastor’s wife.
But I want you to remember that while you can organize the best potluck dinner ever or lead an Emmy-award-winning Christmas program, your husband needs you to tend to him first.
Who ministers to the pastor? You do!
It’s an honor to serve your husband and your pastor so he can serve the church.
Your service to your husband may go unnoticed by most of the church, but, my friend, God sees your ministry, and it brings Him glory.
Let go of the expectations you or others may have placed on you and embrace the ministry right before you – your husband.
He is worth all your efforts, and he needs you to serve him. He is your ministry!