Finding Hope Amidst Depression, Part 1

“I feel angry all the time.” He hung his head. His hands pressed against his forehead. My strong, dependable, even-tempered husband began to cry.

I didn’t know what to say. I’d witnessed his confidence evaporate over the last few months. Forced quarantine didn’t cause his feelings, but it certainly didn’t help. Day after day he heard more complaints than encouragement, and when you constantly hear negativity, you begin to believe it.

We sought solutions. Was the problem situational? Would a new job help? If he wasn’t a pastor, what could he do? Was the problem health related? If so, he’d only carry this burden into a new environment. How do we begin to find the answers? What does it look like for me to walk alongside him as he battles whatever this is? I was desperate to know how I could be more supportive because I felt helpless.

Misplaced Hope

The Lord used a quarantine to exasperate feelings my husband had been struggling with for almost two years, ultimately guiding my husband through sharing his struggles with the church elders. By God’s grace, they lovingly granted a leave of absence to devote his time to soul care. He lined up several appointments. He had a stress test, saw his medical doctor, and met with a counsellor. Every morning, he got up early and went into the backyard to spend time with the Lord.

I found myself fighting the temptation to place my hope in these good decisions. I was tempted to hope in the elders. If they loved him enough, things would improve. I was tempted to hope in the medical doctors. If they gave him the correct medication, things would improve. I was tempted to hope in the counselor. If he uncovered the root issue, things would improve. These good things were threatening to steal the place reserved for God, and I had to daily remind myself that Scripture illustrates over and over that every battle belongs to the Lord (Ex 14:13-14, Deut 20:4, 1 Sam 17:47, 2 Chron 20:15). My hope for my husband and our future was in God and God alone.

Hope in God

To keep my mind and heart set on hoping in the Lord, I spent hours in the Psalms. Psalm 6 and 86 became my go-to prayers. The words of grief resonated with my soul and echoed the weariness I witnessed on my husband’s face. In Psalm 6, the psalmist was pining away (v2), dismayed (v2), and then greatly dismayed (v3). He progresses through increasing feelings of desperation. Every night, he is weary with sighing (v6). His tears dissolve his resting place (v6). Grief is wasting him away (v7). He feels aged by his adversaries and cannot stop weeping (v6-7). The psalmist progresses through increasingly desperate feelings early in the chapter, but ends with statements of confidence in the Lord. “… For the Lord has heard the voice of my weeping. The Lord has heard my supplication. The Lord receives my prayer” (Psalm 6:8b-9). The adversaries that caused much grief are now ashamed and greatly dismayed (7b, 10). The tables have turned.

If only I could figure out what caused the psalmist’s turnabout, I could encourage my husband. I could feel hope again and not fear the future. I poured over Psalm 6 looking for clues and found a pattern of praying that would help me hold up my husband’s arms in this battle (Ex 17:12-14). Then, in Psalm 86, I found the courage to pray with a boldness I’d never felt before.

Application: Spend this week reading Psalm 6 and Psalm 86, observing the passage and taking notes. Come back next week for part two, and I’ll share how I learned to pray these psalms boldly.