I think we all entered this new year with a certain amount of “Hope” in our hearts.
“I hope the Corona Virus will go away.”
“I hope I don’t have to continue to wear a mask the rest of my life.”
“I hope that people will wear their masks like they should.”
“I hope that our government won’t fail us.”
And the list could go on and on and on….
As a pastor’s wife at a small, picturesque, country church in rural northeast Kansas, my list of “hope” for the new year has a bit of a different look. You see, my pastor husband has been on the heart transplant list for about a year and a half now. At his last cardiologist appointment back in November, his doctor told him that he “hopes” to be able to do his transplant surgery sometime early in the spring of 2021. And so, I begin my list of “hopes”.
“I hope that everything goes okay.”
“I hope that my husband makes it through surgery.”
“I hope that the heart is a good match and not rejected.”
“I hope that…”
But God … I always come back to that statement. God alone is my hope. The Scriptures are full of verses about putting our hope in God. Psalm 62:1, 2, 5-7; Romans 15:13 – and so many more! I will never forget the day that we were told that Tim would have to go onto the transplant list for his heart issues. Honestly, I felt like all hope was lost. This wasn’t how I imagined we would live out our marriage. My husband is my best friend. What would this do to our ministry? My husband is very passionate about his job as a pastor. He’s had other secular jobs, but his heart is in ministry. What would this do to our girls? They are still so young (teenagers) and have so much life ahead of them. They need their dad! This news quickly brought the two of us closer together as husband and wife and closer to God. We began praying together more often. We both began searching the Scriptures for verses about putting our hope and trust in Him. 1 Chronicles 16:11 says, “Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually!” We are seeking the Lord each and every day during this long road that lies before us. We have begun teaching our girls daily about putting their hope in Christ alone. My Bible app on my phone has many new highlighted verses. My own Bible has even more highlighted verses that have become near and dear to my heart as we walk this transplant path.
You might ask, so what about your ministry? What about your church family through this journey? They have wrapped their loving arms around us in an amazing way. They are ready and willing to help us out at the drop of a hat. I don’t have to “hope” that they will be there for us through this difficult journey. I know that they will be. They have showered us with love. Love for Tim and me and for our girls. It has been good for them to see that the pastor is “real” just like they are. That he struggles with life circumstances the same way they do. We so appreciate how they have become family to us through this time. They have also seen that our claim to hope in God is more than just words by the peace that hope has brought in real life issues. And yes, we have peace – a peace that only comes from God.
This is not an easy road for our family. My husband has his good days and his bad days with his health. It’s hard for me to watch him on his bad days. On his good days though, I see him offer hope to those that he ministers to, day in and day out. No matter what God has in store for my husband, we know where his hope lies – in the saving grace of our God. And that, I believe, can be an encouragement to us all. No matter what life throws our way, where does our hope lie? Does it lie in the things of this world that will not last? Does it lie with our family and friends and when that is taken away will we lose all hope? Or does it lie in Christ, our only hope of eternal life and present peace? Psalm 78 talks about the people of Israel and how they were to teach their children and their children’s children to put their hope in God and not forget the works of God. Their forefathers had not kept the commandments of the Lord, and the psalmist called them stubborn and rebellious. My prayer is that as I walk this journey as a wife of a pastor with major medical needs, that I will be focused on putting my hope in God and not forgetting His work in my life. Even though this is not how I wanted my life journey to go, I pray that I will not become stubborn and rebellious. I pray that I will be able to show others the hope that I have in Christ. I pray that I will be able to teach our girls about putting their hope in the Lord as well.
Please pray for our family as we walk this road. Please pray also for the heart donor, that he or she would come to know the hope they can have in Christ. “You are my hiding place and my shield; I hope in your word.” Psalm 119:114.
Thank you so much for sharing and reminding me of that HOPE in our Savior at all times and in all circumstances. I appreciate the verses you shared and for being honest with us. I do pray that God is preparing the best heart for Tim and asking God to bring salvation to that man or woman before they pass away. In my family, I am the one with health issues and my dear husband is in great physical shape. I have often felt guilty for the many ways he is serving me and he never complains. Knowing God is in complete control has given me peace! He serves the flock graciously, too. Through it all, our hope and trust is in our good Father in heaven, as you have shared. I do sometimes wonder what it would be like if he were the one with the medical issues. May God continue to bless you and Tim and your girls as you serve one another and those in your flock. Christ in you, Sonya. the hope of glory! In His Love, Barb