But God…

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Psalm 73:26

Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning in life. The problems, the people, the responsibilities, the expectations – all of it overwhelms me. Lately I’ve been struggling with the discouragement of things from the past. Past mistakes, past hurts, doubts about our ministry calling, doubts about other people – so many things pressing down on me

At times like this, I feel like I’m flailing in the ocean. I wonder, “Why is this happening to me? What’s going on here, God?” When I try to pray, it seems like my brain is a radio, searching for a clear station – tuning in for a few seconds, then hopping on to the next one to tune in to the next song clip before running away again. I keep skipping from one thing that is weighing on me to the next, then the next, never pausing long enough for God to speak to me.

But God.

God is there. When I finally do pause, He is there, reminding me of who He is.

“As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today,” Genesis 50:20. He is the God who used evil for good when Joseph’s brothers sold him as a slave. He is the God who has a purpose for the evil that I see around me and will use it for good. He is the God who has used the pain in my past for good in my life, refining me and molding me more into His image.

“But God remembered Noah and all the beasts and all the livestock that were with him in the ark. And God made a wind blow over the earth, and the waters subsided,” Genesis 8:1. He is the God who, after 150 days, remembered Noah and all who were with him on the ark and caused the floodwater to recede. God didn’t abandon Noah, even though 150 days may have felt like it! Just like God didn’t abandon Noah, He hasn’t abandoned me. 

“And David remained in the strongholds in the wilderness, in the hill country of the wilderness of Ziph. And Saul sought him every day, but God did not give him into his hand,” 1 Samuel 23:14. He is the God who protected David from Saul even though Saul was desperate to kill him! Saul had so many resources available to him, yet he couldn’t find or kill David – because God wouldn’t let him. God protected David, and He will protect me.

“For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us,” Romans 5:7-8. He is the God who loved us so much that Christ died for us while we were still sinners! God didn’t wait for me to clean up my act – I cried out to Him and He just saved me. He is the God who loves me even when I’m overwhelmed by life, impatient for this or that to end or get better.

I may be lost at sea in the things of life, my brain can’t keep up, my body is weak, I’m failing at life, and things seem to be heading in the wrong direction –  but God is there. He is my strength. He is my portion. He sustains me, gives me breath, and provides for every need. He is ALL I need. I need only remember who He is and rest in Him.