Interview With a Small Town Pastor’s Wife: Joanna Weaver

About a decade ago, I read a book that encouraged and grounded me as a new church-planting Pastor’s wife serving in an isolated context. The book was Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World by best-selling author and pastor’s wife, Joanna Weaver. More recently, I felt led to send her an email thanking her for her writing ministry and sharing some of my calling as a small-town PW and the vision of Flowers for the Pastor’s Wife. A personal reply came back along with, ‘Let’s talk together sometime by phone.’ Wow! The Lord’s timing was perfect to not only chat by phone, but for me to interview her for the Flowers Blog. I’m so excited to share her story with all of you! I see Joanna as a Spirit-filled lady who emulates our first two themes on the Flowers blog- desiring to be Pastor’s Wives who serve our great God with LOVE and JOY. I pray you are as blessed as I was getting to know Joanna better through this phone interview.

Interview questions:

Where did you grow up?  

Answer: ​It’s fun to be able to call myself ‘Joanna from Montana.’ I was born and raised in Missoula, a town of 80,000-90,000 (which is large by Montana standards). I was blessed to grow up in a grace-filled home and church. I watched my pastor’s wife, Sister Ayers, as she did ministry and gleaned a lot. I’ve come to realize that so much of ministry (like life) is 95% showing up but also 95% loving God and others and being loved by Him. God doesn’t look for the most talented people to use, He looks for those who are willing to love people and look to Him for a heart to help them do that.

How did where you grew up contribute to preparing you for life in small-town pastoral ministry?

Answer: In ​elementary school and Junior High, I went through a lot of rejection. Sometimes we can let that rejection paralyze and define us. But God wants to use our hurt. He wants to give us His heart. I believe that the number one need all of us have is to be seen. To matter. We can get so caught up in ministry and programs, when what we really need is the eyes of Jesus.  

To be honest, I would love to have served a church in a large city. When God called me to be a pastor’s wife, I had big dreams of doing large things for God. But I’ve discovered that depth is better than breadth. If I’m chasing numbers, it’s far too easy to miss God.

I’ve learned the truth of Psalm 16:6, which says, “​The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.” ​ Though I had dreams of bigger things, it’s been a privilege to serve the people God has given us. We’ve been blessed to lead two churches as senior pastor, ranging from 250-400 in size. Currently we live in Hamilton, Montana, which has about 20,000 people.

Where have you served in ministry? Can you describe the particular culture in those areas and how that affected your ministry there?

Answer: ​I was 19 when we married and went into youth ministry in Libby, Montana, a small logging community of about 3,000. I remember setting up 35 chairs on Wednesday night and it wasn’t unusual to have 30-32 empty ones. God definitely pruned me during that time, confounding my need for success. My husband has been such an important example in this. He isn’t driven by ambition; his greatest desire is to be found faithful.

Two years into ministry, God called us to be youth pastor in Sidney, Montana, a community of 5,500 which lies on the eastern border, 20 miles from North Dakota. Going from a logging community to a ranching and farming community was quite a culture shock for me. That first summer we had some kids over to the house. One girl mentioned that she really needed to shave her legs. A boy answered, “You’re going to need a combine for that!”

The ministry transition wasn’t easy. The youth group was ingrown, everyone seemed to be related and the older kids were definitely not receptive to our ministry. Once again, God was confounding my success syndrome. “Don’t worry about what you don’t have,” I felt the Lord whisper. “Be faithful with what you do have.” So that’s what we tried to do. In the past several years, we’ve heard from some of those kids that were so resistant. Though we felt like we’d had no impact on their lives, they’ve shared how God used some of the things we’d taught them to draw them closer to Him. Some of them even served in youth ministry themselves because it had been so important for them. What a sweet gift from God!

Four years later, we received a phone call from a church in Grants Pass, Oregon asking us to be music and children pastors. It was something we had never done, but we felt God leading us to accept. They would prove to be some of the most important years of my life. I was deeply impacted by my senior pastor’s wife, Terry Myers. Just like Elizabeth Elliot writes of Amy Carmichael, Terry showed me “the shape of godliness” and cultivated a hunger for the deeper things of God. We were also given a big-picture view of the church as we were involved in all kinds of ministry – from working with young marrieds, training teachers, leading children’s ministry, worship, and choir.

It would all prepare us for our first lead position in Whitefish, Montana (6,000). When we arrived, there were 34 people attending, and the elderly chairman of the board gave us a tour of the church and showed us all the things that were wrong with it. But we knew we were called there. The church grew quickly and it was a time of incredible blessing. On our 10th anniversary with the church, they had a big party and gave us a trip to Hawaii. But the pressure of three services and an extended building program created issues within leadership, to the point that on our 15th anniversary, some of the board members got up and read a letter asking us to resign. Though we felt great grace to walk through the difficulty, God made it clear that our time in Whitefish was over.

Saying goodbye was hard because we loved the people so very much, and the situation was definitely nothing we would have ever imagined happening in this beautiful body. But God made it clear that it was His church, and that He would take care of us just as He would take care of them. It was an emotional time as we hammered through lots of emotions, searching our own hearts and doing our best to release people from our judgment. But through it all, God taught us so much.

We often think it is man’s hand that causes our trials, but it’s important to remember that it had to pass through God’s hand first. As we look to God for help to walk humbly through these difficult times, He does a deep work in us. For there are things that need to die – selfish ambition and vain conceit, the legitimate God’s dreams that we’ve turned into man’s schemes! We must constantly be open to the soul surgery only God can provide.

After a year sabbatical and nine months serving as interim pastor at a very small church, God opened the door to Hamilton, Montana where we’ve been nine and a half years serving a lovely congregation of 250 people in a city of 20,000. Although we have not had the growth like Whitefish, it’s been a sweet time of growing in Christ together.  

3. How did God bring you to a place of serving in small-town/rural ministry? Did you have any sort of “calling” in this?  If so, describe the circumstances.

Answer: ​I can’t say that I had a “calling” to any size church. Just a call to ministry, specifically that of a pastor’s wife. I suppose you could say He called me to small churches because that’s the doors He opened. God’s call is God’s call. I really believe that the most important thing is to completely surrender our lives to Him. What He does with us is up to Him. I’m learning that what I do FOR God isn’t as important as totally belonging TO God. Some of the best ministerial advice I ever received was this: “Deepen the message and let God broaden the ministry.” Cultivating an intimate relationship with Jesus is my highest call. Everything else will flow out of that.

4.   How did God bring you and your husband together to serve in this way?

Answer: ​At the moment that God called me to be a PW (at youth camp), He also gave me a vision of John Weaver preaching and a clear sense that he would be my husband. Though it wasn’t a straight path to the altar, we married and headed into full-time ministry two weeks later. We just celebrated 37 years of marriage. Though the early years were rough – even a marriage made in Heaven has struggles – John and I feel so blessed to share life and ministry together.

5.  Did you have any particular areas of ministry in which you served in your church and community and what led you to those decisions?

Answer: ​I served alongside John in youth ministry in our first three churches but when he became lead pastor in Whitefish, God gave me a heart for kids and reaching the community. We had ‘Super Summer Celebrations’ – a weekly type of VBS. It was a sweet time. But a few years in, God also began stirring a burden for women’s ministry. I started teaching and writing Bible studies.

God also began stirring my heart to write, and my first book came out in 1999, a wedding gift book called ​With This Ring​. The next year, ​Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World: Finding Intimacy with God in the Busyness of Life​ came out and I’ve been writing ever since (although I’m the world’s slowest writer ?).

6. What has been one of your greatest challenges in this ministry context and how did you persevere in it? What did God teach you through it?

Answer: ​We have had 37 years in ministry so there have been a lot of challenges, but also a lot of joys. I share one of my hardest times in ministry in ​Having a Mary Spirit​: Allowing God to Change Us from the Inside Out. During a busy and trying time, the enemy got in and caused division in our women’s ministry team which led to an implosion of my closest relationships. Nothing I tried to do would fix it. We would gather and pray, hug, and cry, but hurt would come again shortly after. God allowed a “removal of approval” to reveal a deep flaw in my soul. As I gave Him access to the pain, He taught me how to hammer out forgiveness.

I soon realized that this wasn’t an attack against me. It was an attack against all of us. When we start loving our opinions more than people, that’s fertile ground for the enemy. When I feel myself hardening in my point of view, I know I’m on a slippery slope. I’m so grateful for that time, for through it God did a deep work in my soul. Don’t miss the gift of the trial! Remember, there’s no resurrection without a crucifixion (from Lazarus Awakening: Finding Your Place in the Heart of God). “When there’s a chance to die to self- take it!”

7. What has been one of your greatest blessings in this ministry context and how has that affected your perspective of small-town and rural ministry?  

Answer: ​There have been so many blessings that I don’t see them as clearly as I wish I did. It is such a privilege to be invited into people’s lives and entrusted with their hearts. Paul’s prayer was that he could present others to the Lord spotless. As much as I’d like to have full control of that, I’ve come to realize that only God can change hearts. I’m not meant to be a surrogate messiah for people but to point them to Jesus and let Him do the work.   

8. If you could give a piece of advice to other rural and small-town pastors’ wives, what would it be and why?

Answer: I would encourage them to cultivate an unoffendable heart. Mismanaged hurt takes ministry people out. We have to forgive. ​My life-long prayer has been: “Please give me a tough hide and a tender heart, Lord.” We all have insecurities, and hurt happens. The enemy wants to target our weak areas, and he loves to sow discord. As much as possible, I have asked the Holy Spirit to help me be unoffendable. Rather than gathering offenses and spreading the disease to others, I’m determining to forgive quickly and refuse to read rejection into things that may have nothing to do with me.