There are no easy answers when it comes to combating depression, but I have discovered there are a few things that help me cope. First, I need to share my struggle with my husband. I know that sometimes we can hold back from our pastor-husbands because we don’t want to add to their burdens, but if you are struggling, your husband needs to know. As husbands and wives, we need each other’s support.
I’m not suggesting that your husband will have an answer to your struggles, but he can stand by you and support you as you fight your battle. He can pray for you. He can encourage you. He can love you. He can provide a safe place for you to voice your thoughts and feelings. There is so much value in knowing that my husband has my back no matter what I am experiencing. Talking to my husband doesn’t take away my depression, but it does remind me that I am not alone. Having his support is invaluable.
Another thing that I find useful is the act of admitting to my husband, and to myself, that everything is not okay. I am not alright. Simply acknowledging that there is something wrong is empowering. Consider giving yourself the grace needed to be present in a hard place. Give your depression a name, acknowledge its presence and then pray. Pray on your own and with your husband for the strength to get through the day.
If I’m going to function in the midst of my depression, I need to spend silent, uninterrupted time with God. The problem is, I just don’t have much silence in my day. I have a young daughter, I need to support my husband in his pastoral duties at two churches, and I also work outside my home as a high school teacher. I know I’m not the only person facing this dilemma. We recognize the value of spending time with God, we are told we need to do it, but that private time we so desperately need is pushed aside as we perform all of the duties that crowd our days.
The only time I can find silence is early in the morning. By setting my alarm for 5 o’clock I have a good, solid hour to spend in silence with God. I find it terribly hard to get out of bed, especially in the winter when it is dark and cold outside. The last thing I want to do is get up and face the day. It is a struggle every single morning.
I sit in silence in my favourite room, in my favourite spot, with my cat on my lap. Location does matter. You need to be in a spot that is calming for you. The most important thing though is that I sit in the presence of God. At times I get in the rhythm of getting up and doing this several days in a row and then I stop. It is not easy, but I try to show myself some grace. If I can’t manage to get up early for a few days, I don’t beat myself up. I just begin again.
As part of my morning routine I read several devotionals and the Bible. I also pray, sometimes in my head, sometimes out loud, and sometimes through writing in my journal. I sit quietly and listen for what God may want to say to me. In the silence of the morning I often do hear His voice, whether through a particularly poignant Bible passage, a thought of encouragement, or by some bit of clarity written in the pages of my journal.
Spending daily time with God doesn’t take away my depression, but it helps me manage it. It helps me to let go and place my depression, my worries, and my isolation in God’s hands. Just as it is important to turn to my husband for support, how much more so is it imperative that I call out in my despair to the God of my salvation? He is Lord and He is in control. He will hold me in the palm of his hand throughout my distress.
Psalm 104 describes God in all His splendour. The all-powerful God of this universe is my Father. He loves me and He loves you. When I am lost in the midst of the despair of my depression, I know that He has not, and will not, abandon me. Even in the midst of my depression I know the joy of being at peace with God through the process of laying my burdens at His feet. “Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.” (Psalm 30:7b)
