Faithfulness in Motherhood, Marriage & Ministry: Balancing it Well

Heading into Bible college as a 19 year old, I was ready to serve the Lord with or without a husband and family. I had been personally called into full-time ministry and was excited about what that would look like. Four years later with a counseling degree, husband, and a baby on the way, the drive to minister full-time was still there; but I was less clear on how that would work. I loved being a mother and a wife just as much as I loved serving full-time. But how could I be faithful to all three without sacrificing what was important about each? Little did I know at the time, that my heart and thought process were the problems and not the inability to balance it all. I saw three separate lives instead of one life woven together through these three parts. I would eventually come to see the beauty of the dance between them instead of the fear of tripping through their tangled cords. To think of these parts of my life as stumbling over each other and causing frustration along the way was allowing fear to cripple my influence, ability, and in the end, faithfulness to my God. 

Within the unique sector of small-town ministry this is a particularly worrying struggle. People need you and your husband more and in so many other varied ways than are needed in city churches with a large staff. Your children are often with you in your isolated ministry as many small-town ministry families do not live in close proximity to grandparents or other family who, in other circumstances, might give aid to families in the areas of watching children or helping with household responsibility. There were several times in our small-town ministry that I would find myself nursing a child in the back pew of the sanctuary while trying to keep my other children quietly playing in the nursery as my husband counseled a woman, simply because he needed to be above reproach and there was no other staff at the church to allow for that. That is only an example of a moment, but many of those frustrating times added up and caused a feeling of defeat. How was I supposed to minister and mother and be a helpful wife without these worlds colliding catastrophically? I carried that burden heavily and with much anxiety until I began to listen to the Holy Spirit nudging that this was one, full life of faithfulness, not three lives separated by tasks and neatly lined rows of responsibilities. It was one woven together and designed by God for godliness.

“His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory.”  (2 Pet. 1:3)

I had lost track of my true purpose. My faithfulness wasn’t to be committed toward those different tasks but to one Person. My faithfulness was measured in the pursuit of godliness and desire to glorify him with this one life. It was this one life in which I could revel in the combinations and melange of tasks that drew each of the facets of our little world together. Not only that, but He gave me every tool I needed to perform them faithfully.

Now I realize as I write, that this can seem an overwhelming task. We must retrain our hearts and minds to think in a way, that honestly, does not come naturally to most. However, there are two specific areas which I would like to address, followed by some application questions. These are by no means extensive thoughts but they come from a desire to place our hearts in the best position to let change happen and the Holy Spirit to work.

First, Dear Sister, if God called you and your husband to minister in an isolated or small-town context, then He has called your children there as well. He has given all you need to live godly and faithfully in that context. It isn’t as if He placed one part of your life there and then stepped back and wondered what to do with the kids. Yes, there might be a lack of sport outlets, dance recitals, or large youth groups. However, that does not mean our children will suffer. My husband tells the story of helping in his father’s little church by preparing communion, putting together the mother’s day gifts, and being involved in little tasks within the church that gave him a sense of connectedness. Being involved in those ministries did more to form a sense of love for the ministry and for people than sports ever did in his life. Eventually, this became a major factor in his decision to become a pastor. This life, of course, does not guarantee the same outcome for each child. However, it does help us to see that God uses each activity or even a lack of activity to form our children into who He wants them to be. Remember, they are not ours in the first place. We must be ready to let God use our circumstances and our ministry to teach and guide their hearts toward godliness and toward whom He has created them to be. 

Next, remember that God created your family to be your family. He did not create you to be like the pastor’s family in the next town over or like the one you read about on your favorite blog. Maybe your family thrives in busyness and activity, blog writing and big event planning; or maybe they cozily fit into relaxed schedules and quiet church fellowship, board game playing and long hikes. The combinations are endless. Pay close attention to the personality and culture of your family and then find pleasure in glorifying God through it. 

However, there must be a balance in thought. For some of us, the study of our family can quickly lead to inflexibility if not tempered with reality. Different seasons will come, children will be born, children will leave, and ministry will change. There will be seasons in which God will stretch you to grow in your family’s comfort zones, and you will need to adjust and be flexible. “It is good to grasp the one and not let go of the other. Whoever fears God will avoid all extremes.” (Eccl. 7:18 NIV) Communicate, work at it, and most of all pray for wisdom. 

Last, I would like to close out our short time together with some questions. These are questions my husband and I use to help guide our ministry and family through the overwhelming amount of ministry opportunities that can come to a pastor’s family. Some of these will apply to your life and some won’t, but I ask you to answer honestly as you think about the ways your family ministers together and how you will decide to take on or leave the ministries at hand. 

• • Have I prayed and asked for wisdom? And have I listened? 
  • Is this ministry possibility short-term or long-term? How might a long-term ministry affect my family?
  • Can/Will my children join me in this ministry? Is there a way they can help? 
  • Will or does this ministry affect the peace in my home?
  • Will or does this ministry keep me from fulfilling my God-given responsibilities to my kids?
  • Is unhealthy guilt a part of deciding to do or not do this ministry (guilt as a mother or guilt as a pastor’s wife)? 
  • Do I listen to my children’s thoughts and comments about the ministry or time spent in it (not for guilt, but for understanding)? 
  • Have I sought wisdom from my husband?
  • Have I sought wisdom from other godly women/mothers? 
  • Am I choosing to do it just because it’s good and not because it’s best?

I challenge you, Sister, will you fear the tripping cords of the parts of ministry life, or embrace the beauty of the dance God has placed you in as you seek to do ALL that you have been called to with godliness? May you find utter joy in the faithfulness of glorifying God with your whole life knowing that He has equipped you for it all.