I left the church that Sunday. I just got in the car and drove away before the service even started. The entire congregation watched me walk out the door and I felt so inadequate. I knew I had dropped the ball, even if they didn’t see it that way.
As I got in my car, my heart was racing and, on top of that, the traffic wouldn’t stop. There was just enough room between each vehicle passing by that I couldn’t pull out. Precious minutes were wasted in my race to get home and then return back to church as quickly as I could.
As pastors’ wives we wear a lot of hats and, in that particular season of my life, one of mine was that of being the coffee and snack lady. During the sermon I would go down to our church kitchen, make coffee, and put out some graciously provided homemade goodies for everyone to enjoy after the service.
Before the service I would set up the serving table at the back of our sanctuary so I could quickly place the coffee and snacks during the last hymn. This time, when I went to set up the table I was reminded of something I had noticed for the past two weeks. We needed paper cups and I had forgotten to buy some. Each week I would make a mental note about needing to pick up some church supplies and then my great intentions would get lost in the busyness of my life. On that particular morning, it was too late. I did not have what I needed.
I knew what I had to do. I had to go to the front of the church, rummage through my husband’s coat pockets, find the keys, sneak out past my six-year-old daughter who would not want me to leave, and hurry home to raid our stash of camping supplies. If I hurried, there was a slight possibility I might arrive back before the service started.
I’m pretty sure most people knew I had forgotten something and I felt like everybody was watching me race out the door. They certainly must have known something was wrong. As I ran, I was berating myself, “How hard can it be to remember to buy cups? Why hadn’t I put them on my shopping list? How incapable can I be that I can’t even do such a simple thing!”
To top it all off, we had a few visitors, two of which were pastors. I felt that they could see that this pastor’s wife obviously didn’t have it all together. As I look back on the situation, I now realize they probably were not even concerned by it, but at the time it was vastly embarrassing to me.
As I jumped in my car I was agitated and worried and I certainly was not at peace, but as I drove the few minutes it took to get to my house and back I knew the Lord was speaking to me. I could feel my sense of peace returning as I let His words wash over my soul. Be still and know that I am God. This verse, found in Psalm 46:10, is one of my favorites and that is what came to my mind as I drove. Be still. Stop rushing. Drive carefully. I’m here with you and everything is as it should be.
In the midst of my agitation God used His Word to speak to me. His words came alive to me at the time when I needed them most. Of course, I have read and relied on that particular verse many times, just as we all have, but on that day those words were exactly what I needed and they were real. God used His Word to reach into my heart and comfort me, to calm me, to center my thoughts back on Him rather than myself.
I needed those Words that morning. I needed to be reminded that I was not in control and it really didn’t matter that I didn’t have the supplies I needed. We all make mistakes. We all forget things. We say the wrong things at the wrong times. We all replay scenes in our minds, wondering if we should have said or done something different. When that happened to me that day I needed to be reminded that, through God’s wonderful and abiding grace, it was all right. Nothing had happened that God could not handle and, in His wisdom, along with reminding me of His tender care for me, He had made sure I had cups waiting at home, just a few minutes from the church.
Be still and know that I am God. He knew that I needed Him to speak to me that morning and He arranged the events so that I would hear Him clearly. I didn’t get back to the church on time but I did come back with a mind much more at ease. I had the cups, and we all had coffee. I realized that nobody except me was worried about the fact that I had hurried home because I had been unprepared. They were thankful I had gone to get the cups so they could enjoy their coffee and snacks.
How often do we let worrying about the little things steal the joy from our lives? Satan likes nothing more than to see us worrying instead of embracing the peace in all circumstances that we should feel when we cast our cares upon Jesus. (1 Peter 5:7) I have forgotten many things (even the communion bread) at home since that day early on in my role as a pastor’s wife. I no longer get worried about it. I am so thankful for God speaking to me through this verse and reminding me to “be still” and rest, even in the midst of all the little storms of life. After all, I’m not in control anyway. God is.
