Serving the Not-So-Humble Lay Leader

When I left my rural Midwest community as an all-wise-eighteen-year-old and was plopped into the heart of inner-city Chicago to go to school, I began to learn that this was a much bigger pond than the one I’d been swimming in all my life. It didn’t take me long to realize that I thought a lot more of myself than the people around me did. They didn’t know about all the awards showered on me at my high school fenced in by cornfields or how important my family’s name was in the community. I was just another student on campus, another resident in the metropolitan concrete jungle. 

The big fish in the small pond phrase has been around for awhile, though its concept has existed since the beginning of time. The earliest known reference to this phrase seems to be from the Galveston Daily News in Galveston, Texas in June 1881. The phrase was used to describe the “local vested interest” in Galveston – they are big fish in a small pond. It has also come to signify an influential person whose influence only stretches so far. 

It may only stretch so far, but when you’re in the small pond, that fish is still big and sometimes intimidating and sometimes you fear he just might decide to eat you for lunch! 

In every church my husband has served, there have been one or two people who are the most influential in the body. It happens in every church. Sometimes this person actually has the title of elder. Sometimes they are a former pastor who still attends. Sometimes they are the wife of an elder or the head of the outreach program or the children’s program. 

It really doesn’t matter what the official title, if any, that person bears. What matters is that they are always a person with whom you and your husband will have to contend. The question is, how do you deal with that person? How do you relate to them in a Christ-honoring way and still do the job you feel God has called you to do as pastor and wife? 

I’m not sure that I have the answers, except to think of it in terms of yet another idiom – put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Think about the big fish in your small pond from these perspectives: 

Every big fish longs for meaning and purpose. 

Every one of us longs to do something that has purpose and meaning. We all need a job to fulfill that we are convinced is important and will have some kind of eternal impact. The big fish feel that way, too. We need to be sensitive to the place and purpose they gain from the role they have in serving others, completing ministries and maintaining relationships with others in the church, just like we do. 

A speaker I heard once mentioned that conflict happens when two people try to occupy the same space at the same time. We need to find ways to work together and serve the needs of the church along with that big fish, without taking away a role that’s important to them. That will look different for every person’s situation, but just remembering that conflict might be happening because we are actually stepping on someone’s toes can give us perspective on why that fish might be causing us trouble. 

Every big fish has past hurts and needs. 

Too often, that influential person in the church is a hurting individual who is trying to meet that legitimate need for purpose in an unhealthy way or they are trying to work out past hurts by trying to fix others instead. As pastors and wives, we need to examine ourselves to be sure we aren’t in ministry for these reasons, either! Those big hurting fish need our patient, loving input in their lives so we can hopefully have the opportunity to speak into those hurts and enable them to heal, then serve out of spiritual and emotional health along with us. And if they aren’t willing to share the role with us or allow us to help them in their hurts…, then remember this perspective: 

Every big fish needs small fish to fill their pond. 

Whether or not the big fish knows it, they do need us and the rest of the body for more than just someone to serve so that they feel important. They need us to model servant leadership so that they can learn that being the big fish isn’t always necessary. All the fish in the pond serve a purpose when they are willing to acknowledge their own gifts and limitations. When we humbly find ways to serve the big fish instead of trying to compete against them, maybe they will see the peace and freedom we have when we can serve without having the accolades or the affirmation from those we help.   

When we serve with joy whether our job is to preach, pastor, counsel or simply, but faithfully to clean toilets, then those big fish might just realize that they don’t have to do it all. Then they can see that they, too, can know the joy of being loved simply because they are a loved and fully accepted child of God, with no performance strings attached. 

I think that sounds like a pond I’d like to swim in. 

Heavenly Father, help me to be a big small fish. Amen

Taking in Further:

What do you find most challenging when it comes to relating to the big fish in your small pond? How can you demonstrate servanthood to that person today? 

References:

 http://grammarist.com/idiom/big-fish-in-a-small-pond/

http://twominenglish.com/being-a-big-fish-in-a-small-pond/