Counseling in the Small Places: You Have a Role to Play

Small-towns and rural communities are in crisis. They are rarely the wholesome communities portrayed to us on old television shows or travel magazines. Divorce, drug-addiction, suicide, depression, family turmoil, and many more intense situations face us as we attempt to minister to our people. Add to it the fact that a strong gospel presence is dying in many of these out-of-the-way places, and you have a situation that leaves a feeling of hopelessness and loss.

As my husband and I stepped into our small-town ministry, we instantly felt this weight. Within two weeks of moving, we were counseling a young woman struggling with anorexia. A few months later, my husband filled many nights in a row going through marriage counseling with an unequally-yoked couple. And so it continued: mental health issues, alcohol addictions, rebellious children, a former prostitute, mental abuse, fear, anxiety, and so much more.

I’m sure your story is much the same. The burden grows and faces you and your husband without pause. It will not go away but will, in fact, only grow in our sin-sickened world. It must be faced. We see it. We hear it. We feel it. Now what?

Acknowledge: It IS Your Responsibility

Women have a distinct desire to nurture one another. Although each woman does this differently, it is an obvious trait. Titus 2 explains that it is also to be used for intentional discipleship and counseling among the women of the church, yet this doesn’t only apply because we are women. Counseling is spoken of many places in Scripture.

“Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:1-2

 

This passage is counseling 101. Each believer is to be about the business of restoration and burden bearing. Counseling is never presented as an option to choose or a spiritual gift only bestowed on a select few. It is presented as a way of life among believers and a spiritual expectation to be upheld.

Accept: “You who are spiritual…”

Does this phrase tie a knot in your stomach as it does mine? How on earth are we supposed to know when we are spiritual? Will we ever get to Paul’s confidence level, exhorting others to follow our examples and learn from our ways? Fear threatens our ability to counsel, yet we are told that “God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” (2 Tim. 1:7) We have the Holy Spirit who gives guidance (Jn. 14:26). We have God’s Word that gives wisdom (Heb. 4:12). We have the body of Christ to support and uphold us (Heb. 10:24-25). When we concentrate on this plentiful array of help given to us, how can we not go forth in confidence? Our spirituality and ability to counsel has nothing to to with us and everything to do with what God does through us. Paul could tell others to follow his example with confidence because of the fact that he followed God with confidence.

Ladies, your small-town church has big-time needs, and God has placed you and your husband smack dab in the middle of it all. As a pastor’s wife you see and hear the messy things, but you so badly want to avoid those messes. They are unpleasant to hear, they are a burden to bear, and they are terrifying to handle. You excuse yourself, thinking about your spiritual gifts and weak personalities. Yet, herein lies the beauty of Jesus Christ (Col. 2:3) and the power of God’s Word (2 Tim. 3:15). When you obey God’s will in counseling others (specifically women) it will bring Him glory and allow confidence in what we teach and how we counsel.

Act: Face the need

At the end of that first year in our church, we realized more than ever the need for counseling and the necessity of our own, personal training. Our people did not have the money to travel over an hour away to listen to a counselor. Those that would travel, often went to counselors who followed worldly advice and gave shallow solutions, never touching their true heart. I had many conversations with those who thought Oprah, Dr. Phil, or some other television personality were just as good to listen to as God’s Word. The reality is that God’s Word has competition, and you are a soldier for His truth. Soldiers don’t go into battle untrained and ill-prepared. In the same way, you must train. You must prepare your heart. You must be equipped to do battle alongside your people through wise counsel.

Next Week: Counseling in the Small Places: Wise Counsel