Mom and Dad had a picture hanging in their house. I don’t know where they got it but it is gold and brown, colors that speak to its probable acquisition in the 1970s or early 1980s. It was always there on the wall and I loved it. One day a few years after I got married, I went for a visit and Mom had a pile of pictures for me to either take home or dispose of. As I dug through the pile, there it was. A brown background, with these words etched in gold: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.” (Proverbs 3:5,6)
There was no way I was getting rid of that picture. I didn’t care that it didn’t match anything in my house. I loved it – and I still do. There is a little alcove above the window in my bedroom and the picture fits there perfectly. When my husband and I walk in the room it is one of the first things that we see. It still doesn’t match anything else in my room and that’s okay because, while the style may seem dated, the words are timeless.
Over the years, these Living Words have become a wonderful reminder to my husband and me of the focus we need to have when making decisions in our marriage. How should we spend our time? How should we use our finances? How should we raise our daughter? How should we respond to criticism, frustration, or anger? What should we do when we don’t know what to do?
Rather than fighting for our own rights, or disagreeing with each other’s choices, we can read the Living Word of God, pray, and listen to what God tells us. We can ask ourselves if we are trusting in the Lord or if we are letting our own desires drive our decisions. Are we praying, waiting, and leaning on what the Word says rather than following our own frail, human understanding? I know, for my husband and me, there have been times when it seems like an answer just cannot be found. Left to our devices, we flounder, but when we lean on the Word of God and seek to do His will, we flourish.
There is much pressure to make quick, feel-good decisions in the world today. Social media encourages us to prioritize putting ourselves first, focusing on our own needs rather than those of our spouse, family, or even the good of society at large. “If it feels good do it” is a mantra that many people take to heart. There is no space left, no spare time to be wasted waiting on what God might have to say about the matter – if the question of God’s will even comes into the decision making process at all. We know that this is not the way God desires us to approach decision making in our marriage.
James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” As the years have passed in our marriage, we have realized it is important to wait before making most decisions. It is just too easy to forge ahead under our own steam and relying on our own desires. Consistently, we have found ourselves on the wrong path when we have not taken the time to pray, wait, and listen. Just because a decision seems right, does not mean that it is the right choice for us. When we ask, God will give us wisdom, but we need to wait and listen for His voice. Both my husband and I are naturally quick to make decisions, so we have had to rely on God’s grace as He has helped us to understand the importance of moving slowly and waiting on His timing.
I have found this process challenging because I find waiting difficult. I am a worrier. I paint pictures in my head of what might happen and then I worry about the scenario I have created. Worry is not from God. It is not what He created me for and it wreaks havoc on my marriage as I whirl deeper and deeper into my spiral of anxiety.
It is my natural inclination to worry, but in Philippians 4:6,7 we are told, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” This is a promise my husband and I have specifically focused on as we have faced decisions, both large and small, in our marriage. God knows what is best for us, He loves us, and He wants the very best for our family. Even as we wait, I know that what He has in store for us is greater than we can imagine. When we lay our choices and decisions at His feet we can rest in His peace that “surpasses all understanding.” Indescribable, unfathomable, unimaginable, and undeserved, perfect peace.
Taking it Further:
Do you have a special verse you turn to as you listen for God to speak in your marriage? How do you find peace in the midst of waiting? Comment below.
I have found peace in the waiting when I remember all the times in the past God has shown Himself Sovereign and faithful in our waiting for other things. Each time I see that God’s timing is best, it strengthens my faith for the next time. I’m not as patient as I should be, but the anxiety reduces when I do remember how perfect His wisdom and timing has been in the past, and that helps me in the present waiting.