Finding Hope Amidst Depression, Part 2

A wise friend told my husband, “We can’t be doing the ministry in such a way that it ruins God’s ministry in and to us. So, changes are needed and sometimes large changes. Our calling is first to Christ, then to our wife, then to our children. Our church can always find another pastor, but our wife has one husband, our kids – one dad, and our walk with Christ cannot be sacrificed.”

Those words echoed in my soul as I walked alongside my husband as he battled depression. The desire to not sacrifice my walk with Christ on the altar of fear forced me to slow down, be still, and pray with boldness and confidence. I wanted my husband to persevere in this trial but that meant I also had to learn to persevere in prayer. To aid me in this endeavor, I prayed through the psalms.

Psalm 6

Sections emerged in Psalm 6 as I read. The psalmist begs for mercy. “Do not rebuke me… nor chasten me … be gracious to me … heal me … return … rescue me … save my soul …” (v1-2, 4). He appeals to God’s undeserving love and mercy, “save me because of your loving kindness” (v4b).

The psalmist grieves (v6-7). He expresses great sorrow. Is God correcting him? Is this an attack from the enemy? The psalmist searches his heart before the Lord.

The psalmist declares his confidence in the Lord (v8-10). The psalmist, once dismayed, now declares his enemies will be ashamed and greatly dismayed because the Lord has heard his prayers.

I prayed these sections over my husband, inserting his name and details as appropriate.

Lord, do not rebuke <name> in your anger, nor chasten him in your wrath. Be gracious, O Lord, for he is pining away. Heal him, for his soul is greatly dismayed. How long will this last? Return, O Lord! Rescue his soul! Save him because of your lovingkindness. Let him live so he can praise your name. He is weary with crying; he is wasting away with grief. His strong adversaries feel impossible to defeat. Make them depart. Lord, you have heard his weeping. You have heard his pleas, and you receive this prayer. No matter how it looks, I will believe that you will cause his enemies to turn back and be ashamed, even the enemy of depression.

Psalm 86

Categories emerged in Psalm 86 as I read, so I created four lists of observations: the psalmist’s declarations about God, the psalmist’s thoughts about himself, the psalmist’s resolve to act, and the psalmist’s requests. Nearly every word from Psalm 86 was on one of these lists. I prayed through them for my husband beginning with God’s character and ending with our need.

Lord, you are good, forgiving, and abundant in lovingkindness. You answer our prayers. There is none like You and no works like Yours. All nations will worship and glorify You because You are great. You are <name’s> deliverer and comforter. You are merciful, gracious, patient, and truth.

We revere, obey, and trust You. We cry out to You because we are afflicted and needy. It feels like our enemies have risen against us, but we call upon You in confidence. We will walk in Your truth, give thanks and glorify Your name.

I humbly ask that You would incline Your ear and answer <name’s> prayer. He’s begging to be saved. He asks for your grace, for his soul to be glad, and for you to notice his need. Teach him Your ways, unite his heart to fear You, turn him to You, and grant him strength. Show him a sign for good that haters will see and be ashamed.

This was the first time that I ever asked for a sign that our enemies be ashamed. It felt strange yet freeing to follow the pattern of Scripture and pray with boldness. The psalms gave words to my grief and fears when I didn’t know what or how to pray. They helped me persevere in prayer on behalf of my family when I was emotionally depleted. They helped me to hope in God.

Hope in God

As the days turned into weeks and the weeks into months, I found tremendous comfort rereading a book my husband wrote about anxiety (Anxiety Attack, Pelican Book Group, 2020). Somehow, meditating on the convictions of his heart helped settle mine. In one chapter, he counsels his readers to “Preach one message. Preach it loud. Preach it often. Hope in God. These nine letters can haul you out of a pit.” He goes on to write, “I don’t know when God will come. I don’t know how God will come. But I know that God will come.”

Knowing that he clung to the same truth that I clung to infused my heart with hope. Not hope in the right doctor or hope in the right program, but hope in God. God will come. We are hanging everything on Him, and it is well with our souls.