Fish Bowl Living:  Accepting and Forgetting

The house we lived in outside of our first small-town ministry was “backwards.” The back wall of our chalet style house was patterned with many large windows placed to view the tree-covered ravine below. The main room had ceilings that were over eighteen feet high. (I know this because we actually cut down a Christmas tree one year about that height just because we could fit it in!) This design placed the bedrooms at the front of the house, meaning the bedroom windows were the ones that faced the road, one of the main highways that laced through the town.

A lot of cars passed our house, and as is common in rural areas, people who knew us would honk as they sped by to be friendly. But it can also be disconcerting when you are the pastor and his wife.

One Sunday a few years after we’d moved here my husband shared a story with me after the service. It started something like this:

Mark:  “So…I had an interesting conversation with someone today.”  

Wendy:  “Oh yeah…” (Please hear the skepticism in my voice.)

Mark:  “Someone wanted to know why we always keep our blinds closed.”

Wendy:  (Silence for a moment, then…) “What?!”

I’m not really sure what I said after that, probably went on a big tirade about how it’s none of their business whether or not our blinds are closed, and “don’t they know those are our bedrooms?!”, and…”What in the world? Why do they even care? Do they think they can just look right in and see what we are doing all the time!!”

Ah, fish bowl living as a pastor and wife, it has its downside alright, especially when we live in a culture that values privacy so much. It took me awhile to not be annoyed by this, probably a few years at least. In truth it still does sometimes.

Having people watch you is part of being in leadership, but how could I come to terms with being the one in the fish bowl? How should I respond when we get a phone call from the local car dealership wanting to know how much money we paid for our new tires? What do I do when one of the elders’ wives calls me aside into my husband’s office and proceeds to share her concerns for some decisions we’d made about our family?

Sometimes I want to yell, “Stop, already! Leave us alone. Does anyone ask you how much you paid for your new car and judge you for it? Does anyone tell you how to raise your kids or what you should or should not wear in church?!”

Being in leadership means others are going to watch us, and we are to set a good example in all things. This fish bowl living can be a blessing in that way, but when people use it to have license to look into our lives or make comments about our decisions we need to remember a few things.  

First, we need to remember that

“good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.” (Proverbs 19:11, ESV)  

 

I need to OVERLOOK the offenses and ACCEPT my leadership position, some things aren’t worth getting angry over.

Second, consider that others are not the judge of my decisions. Paul said,

“It is the Lord who judges me.” (1 Corinthians 4:4)

 

I need to REMEMBER my true Judge to whom I am accountable.

Finally, when I am tempted to fear what others think I recall that,

“The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe.” (Proverbs 29:25)

 

I will never please everyone, and if I try, I am the one who is ensnared.  I want to FEAR GOD, not man.

When I keep these things in mind, I can close my blinds or leave them open, if I like.  I can trust that by God’s grace those looking in will see that the fish swimming in this bowl are creatures who are seeking to glorify God that others might be pointed to Him.