The role of a Pastor’s wife is seldom, if ever, on the list of “what I want to be when I grow up” ambitions. In kindergarten, I dreamed of being a dolphin trainer until I realized you need to be able to swim. By first grade, I had moved on to being a teacher. I loved school; that way, I could be in school for the rest of my life. Playground, here I come! In 7th grade, another significant shift happened at church summer camp. That summer, a fantastic speaker, Toby Weaver, challenged us with Proverbs 25:4, “Take away the dross from the silver, and the smith has material for a vessel.” Pastor Toby spoke about allowing God to “take away the dross,” the sins, in our lives so God can better use us. That night, in a chapel in the woods, I dedicated my life to doing whatever ministry God had for me, full-time or volunteer. Whatever I ended up doing in life, I wanted it to include serving God.
This decision altered my focus in the best of ways. While my times of saying yes to serving in the church were not always easy, they had a purpose, so I embraced whatever service came my way. By age 16, I was the lead teacher for a preschool class because volunteers were hard to come by, even in a larger church. During college, I assisted in our college ministry, helping plan activities and mentoring the younger college students at our church. When I started teaching (playground duty is not as fun as it sounded), my weekends were full of assisting in children’s ministry, VBS, music ministry, and wherever else was needed in my church. Many of my students went to my church and were thrilled to see me serving.
Then, God called me out of my comfort zone and tested my submission by calling me to move to Puerto Rico to teach. During my time in Puerto Rico, God continued to refine my heart and gave me a godly husband who had no idea what God was calling him to do but knew it would involve some sort of ministry. I was entirely on board with that—just please, not a lead pastor.
Over the next ten years, God’s plan for us was to volunteer to help start and build youth and children’s ministries in churches. As soon as we got a ministry growing and solid, God would call up a new leader and move us to another church to start over again. Through these transitions, we ended up with many church hurts from leaders who were leading from a place of sin and fear. Each hurt we experienced forced us to examine our hearts as we cautiously followed God to the next church to serve. God was still taking away the dross, continuing to refine and equip us, allowing us to lead in just about every area of the church when He decided it was time for Billy to be offered a full-time ministry position in the church we were serving as an Associate/Youth Pastor. God is so gracious in caring for us financially while we are doing what we consider a privilege and not a job! We still marvel that we get paid to do ministry! We know how blessed we are!
While that ministry position lasted about ten years, it was not without its hardship and life lessons, ultimately ending up, again, in hurt and a need to leave. It was during these challenges that God, once again, started working first in my heart and then in Billy’s that perhaps it was time to shift the focus of our ministry from Associate/Youth to Lead Pastor. Yes, I was the one who first suggested that possibly Billy should broaden his ministry search to look at available Pastor positions. Funny, isn’t it how God works? God took my conditional heart for ministry and, through hard times and church hurts, molded my heart into one ready to step up, lead, and be vulnerable in a whole new way.
After much prayer and unexpected encouragement from various people who verified God’s new call on our lives, Billy began the search for where God wanted us to serve. Once again, God used our church search to break my stubborn heart, which was now shying away from any type of rural ministry. I was finally willing to be a pastor’s wife, but not in a small town, God. The first church that called us to interview in person was smaller than I was used to, with an even smaller congregation. I looked critically at the area, the school system, and the limited shopping, but I told God I just wanted to obey Him. That church was an unexpected no, so it was onto another in-person interview in another state in an even smaller town. Once again, I tried to find the beauty and joy in serving in such a limited place and told God I was willing to obey, and again, He said not this one. We got asked to interview in person at a third church, yep, you guessed it, even smaller and more rural than the last two. This church was in the middle of cornfields, the closest shopping was 40 minutes away, and the congregation was so small I wondered how they could pay a full-time pastor. This time, God said, this is for you.
We have been here five years, and I could not be happier. Our little congregation has tripled and, more importantly, has grown hearts eager to reach out to our small community. It is so beautiful in the country, and I still laugh whenever I see a cow in the middle of the road or read a Facebook community post asking if anyone has seen their chicken. Looking back, I know how each confusing and challenging situation has chipped away at some things in my life that were not pleasing to God. He was making me ready to be a leader worthy of my people. If God had not taken away the dross through those fires, I would not be what this sweet congregation needs for a Pastor’s wife. God used every bit of my circumstances to make me more like Him and prepare me for this ministry. Because we know the hurts, Billy and I can watch out for those sinful areas in our lives, loving and protecting our sheep the way God has called us to do. We pray we can serve here for many years, but we also know that if God moves us again, it will be for our good and His glory.
The dross is easier for me to identify now. I stay vigilant to root out my sin patterns quickly and strive for humble repentance when my sin is pointed out. The church hurts still come, but I am confident God uses them to make me more like Him. By giving up the hurts to Him, it has become easier for me to trust, easier for me to follow, and easier for me to look forward to how God is continuing to mold me and use me.
Taking it further:
Is there a sin you have been holding onto in your life?
Is there a trusted friend, family member, or ministry partner who could have an honest conversation about your heart in that area?
What Scripture talks about that sin, either in individual passages or perhaps a story where someone struggles like you?
Take time to repent for that sin and replace it with a thought or action more pleasing to God.
For a biblical guide on identifying and replacing your sin patterns, look into Patricia A. Miller’s The Quick Scripture Reference for Counseling Women.