Hospitality in the Home

One of my favorite pastimes is visiting and laughing with friends over food. Once the whirlwind of cleaning, coordinating, preparing, and cooking subsides I notice the satisfaction I have from hosting people. I like to hear stories about their lives. Sometimes deep conversations arise when we talk about God and our Christian walks. Other times more down-to-earth subjects like kids and vacations come up. Nevertheless, hosting comes with challenges. Hospitality in our home provides opportunities for our growth and refinement.

When our family has people over that we do not know very well we often strategize topics of conversation or questions we can ask. We find that brainstorming helps us focus the conversation on our guests instead of talking about ourselves. After one particular visit my husband and I discovered we had missed a most crucial question to ask . . .

I was flipping through our church directory, skimming the names for new families to invite for a meal. At the time Trevor and I had been with our church family for over two years. One specific couple and their two little children were on our minds because they were among the last young families with whom we had yet to connect one-on-one. We had them over for lunch and we learned a lot about them that Sunday! They are quieter people so our time together felt successful after a good meal, chatting about parenting, and reminiscing about our wedding days. The conversation was mostly lighthearted small talk, but it was still very enjoyable and genuine. If one thing distracted me that afternoon it was that the husband did not eat very much for lunch. A big man’s small appetite is hard not to notice: “Did I forget an allergy? Is he dieting? Did he just not like what I made?”

A few days later we were shaken to read a prayer email of news about the husband’s ongoing deteriorating health. This young dad’s tests for cancer came back positive. My stomach turned when we found out they had heavy news on their hearts and we had missed the chance to share their burden. I am not sure if we were content with the friendly conversation or reluctant to ask an awkward question. All I know is that we did not even ask, “How can we pray for you?”

Praying with dinner guests is a “pastor thing,” but that is not a reason to shy away from it or to embrace it either. Our motivation to pray for others should be that we care for them. Caring for people moves us from entertaining to hospitality. Hosting is never about perfect food or polished counters. None of our self-focused thoughts really matter when we stop to pray with others. Most times our questions will not drastically change the conversation, but it does give opportunity for important topics to surface, even if we think we know about everything in our small-town churches and communities.

Reading the book of Titus again I was struck by Paul’s repeated emphasis on good works. Paul explicitly mentions hospitality as a requirement for overseers and later concludes his letter to Titus by saying, “And let our people learn to devote themselves to good works, so as to help cases of urgent need, and not be unfruitful” (Titus 1:8; 3:14). Our new friends had an urgent need and they were sitting on the couch beside us! Unfortunately, we missed the special occasion to encourage our brother and sister by praying with them in our home.

That night we decided to always stop and pray with our guests. Praying would be worth it. It would be another opportunity for God to be glorified in our hospitality.