“Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity,” 1 Timothy 4:12.
My husband and I were 26 and 24 respectively when we began serving in our first full-time pastorate. Paul was hired as the solo pastor of a small church in northern Wisconsin. It also happened to be an older church – there were two other “young” couples in the church at the time, one in their thirties and one in their forties. In fact, I was almost closer in age to the oldest child in the church than anyone else!
It probably isn’t a surprise then to hear that one of the difficulties we faced almost immediately was our youth – or rather, the stigma attached to our youth. During our time there, we were often reminded that we were “wet behind the ears,” or “too young to understand,” or other variants of this. Paul’s favorite response whenever someone referenced his youth was to say, “I’m working on getting older every day!”
Our age was definitely a hurdle for some in our church to be able to learn from us. I don’t think anyone doubted that we were passionate believers who had been called into ministry, but many of them did struggle to connect that calling on our lives to their own personal relationship with us as pastor and wife. It was just too hard for some of them to consider learning from people who were the same age as their children (or in some cases, grandchildren!).
Admittedly, there is truth to the idea that someone who is younger is less experienced in life and generally has much to learn still. However, that does not mean that someone who is older can never learn from someone who is younger. In Scripture, we see the idea of discipleship and mentoring one another in the faith woven all through the Old and New Testaments. It is a necessary part of being in the body of Christ. Generally, we see examples and instructions for the older to disciple the younger. But this is not always the case!
In the book of Ruth, we see a shining example of a younger woman (Ruth) living out a life of faith in God. While the older Naomi had embraced the name of Mara (which means bitter) because of the pain and suffering in her life, Ruth gently and faithfully cared for her mother-in-law. Ultimately, God used Ruth to bless Naomi!
In 1 Timothy 4, we see Paul giving Timothy instructions for leading the church. In those instructions comes the very familiar verse 12. I have often wondered how old Timothy was when Paul wrote this letter. I have heard it speculated that he was in his late twenties – but I am so grateful that we don’t know his exact age, because then we would probably take that number and make it the magic number of exactly how “young” is just barely old enough, when that wasn’t what Paul was going for here at all.
Paul knew that Timothy’s age, whatever it was, would be a hurdle for some believers to listen to, respect, or be taught by Timothy. So Paul encouraged Timothy to not let them look down on him for his age. Rather, Timothy was to set an example. Timothy couldn’t control how others viewed him, or whether or not others would listen to him. However, he could control his actions. He could control what kind of an example he was to others, and let people see the maturity of his faith through that example.
Sisters, I have two encouragements for us today, one for younger pastors’ wives, and one for older pastors’ wives.
Dear younger pastor’s wife: Don’t be discouraged. God has called your husband, and by extension you, to this ministry. You are both meant to be where you are, teaching God’s Word faithfully to the people He has placed around you. There may be those who look down on you for your age and doubt that God can use you, but don’t let that become your narrative! Stay strong in your faith and continue to grow, day by day. You don’t know everything there is to know about God’s Word and following Him, but that’s ok – none of us do! Keep on studying Scripture, seeking God, honoring Him, and setting an example in your lives. The example that Paul told Timothy to set had nothing to do with age or knowledge – the example he called for was all about faithfully following God and honoring Him with our words and actions. That is something we can all do no matter how old we are. That is also something we can always learn about from others – no matter how old they are.
Dear older pastor’s wife: Look around you for a younger sister who is in ministry – whether that is in your own church, in another church in your community, or someone you know through church networking. Whatever the case, when you find that younger sister, encourage her! Share the wisdom and experience that you have learned over the years with her. Be gentle and patient with her youth – she cannot help how young she is, and God can work through her just as much as through an older person. Be a listening ear to this younger sister so that you might be able to be an example to her, but also be open to learning from her example! Honor the calling that God has placed on her husband (and her).
Day by day, my husband and I have worked on getting older! We aren’t as young as we used to be, but we’re not as old as we could be, either. God has led us each step of the way in our ministry journey. We have learned hard lessons, grown, matured, but also taught. God has used us in spite of (or sometimes because of) our youth. He has used us because He called us into this ministry. Therefore, we will continue serving Him faithfully where He has called us, and let Him figure out the rest!
