Carmen and my friendship came about as a result of our husbands’ friendship. Tim and Jonathan have been best friends through Bible college, through starting families, through their beginning ministries, and through struggles and growth in the pastorate. Yet, although our husbands’ friendship helped introduce us, it was natural to form a friendship between ourselves. Our shared interests of health, homemaking, and women’s ministries have created many enjoyable conversations, and I have learned much from her level-headed and God-honoring view of life and ministry. I look forward to introducing you to her sweet heart.
- Where did you grow up? How did where you grew up contribute to preparing you for life in small-town pastoral ministry?
Answer: I grew up on a farm in Kansas, although we were close to several larger towns and cities. I have three brothers that did most of the farm work with my dad, but I am thankful to have basic ‘farm lingo’ knowledge. My first-hand experience of both the joys and unique challenges of farm life has been extremely helpful in our rural ministry context now. - Where have you served in ministry? Can you describe the particular culture in those areas and how that affected your ministry there?
Answer: My husband Tim and I have served in two very different ministry locations. After we married, we served in a church in the Kansas City area for 4 years in youth ministry, before moving to serve in a much more rural setting in Montezuma Kansas where we have now been for 8 years.
Kansas City culture was very scheduled, work-centered, and a hurried pace. People in the community who did not attend our church did not usually recognize us or know who we were. Our church family was very friendly, but we rarely saw each other outside of church functions. The main ways that the Kansas City culture affected our ministry were: 1) We had to be intentional in building relationships and spending time with our church family. We had to schedule these times- they didn’t just happen organically. 2) Our church was very homogenous in our belief system. If anyone had disagreements or differences- no matter how small- there were 50 other churches in a 3-mile radius to go ‘try out’.
On the other hand, our current western Kansas rural community culture is relaxed, family-centered, ‘religious’, and almost everything revolves around agriculture. While I rarely saw my Kansas City church family outside of church, I see my current church family almost every day of the week. They are in the store, post office, restaurant, and out on their porch as I take a walk. There are several people who just drop by the house throughout the week. As the pastor’s family, we are also much more ‘known’ in the community here. Almost everyone knows who we are, and while certainly not everyone in our community is a believer in the Lord Jesus, they would mostly say that they are religious and so people really respect the position of pastor. Our culture here affects our ministry in these ways: 1) ‘Community’ tends to happen naturally. We are all living life together whether we want to or not! ? 2) Our church family would all agree on the most foundational doctrines of Christianity, but we have some differing beliefs about more of the non-essential things. In a larger town or city, many of these same people would have found a church aligning more with their beliefs and preferences. This presents some challenges, but it is also a beautiful thing to see believers living in unity. 3) One difficult aspect is that because our community is so religious, it is hard for people to understand why they need Jesus. - How did God bring you to a place of serving in small-town/rural ministry? Did you have any sort of “calling” in this? If so, describe the circumstances.
Answer: While we were in Kansas City and after my husband had finished seminary, we started to look for a full-time position. We weren’t necessarily looking for a rural ministry, but Tim applied at this church in Montezuma, we visited and loved it, and the church voted for us to come!
- How did God bring you and your husband together to serve in this way?
Answer: While I was growing up I had some pastor’s wives in my life that were very influential. I looked up to them and I desired to be in full time ministry one day. My husband and I met in Bible college. He was a pastoral studies major, and I studied music and children’s ministry. My husband grew up in the city, but his family loved to go on road trips across Kansas. (weird, huh? ?) People often can’t believe that we love rural Kansas, but we see how God prepared both of us for rural ministry in our upbringing as well as our more ‘formal’ training. - Did you have any particular areas of ministry in which you served in your church and community and what led you to those decisions?
Answer: I have served in several different ministries in our church. I really enjoy helping with Awana as well as playing the piano. I have also served in women’s ministry and other church responsibilities, but I am trying hard to encourage other ladies to use their gifts in these areas. Just because I’m the pastor’s wife doesn’t mean I have to be involved in everything! This last year I have joined our local library board. This has been a great way for me to get involved in something outside of the church and to serve in our community. I tend to want to do too much and be involved in too many things. So, one thing that has helped me is to talk to my husband and let him help me decide what is a good use of my time and the gifts that God has given me. Tim has been very helpful in reminding me that it is not my responsibility fill every vacant ministry spot at our church. - What has been one of your greatest challenges in this ministry context and how did you persevere in it? What did God teach you through it?
Answer: One of my greatest challenges has been learning the balance between stepping into serve where there is a need, and sometimes stepping back to let others take leadership. My natural personality is to just jump in and get things done when there is a need. I easily overcommit simply because there is a need and I ‘can’ fill it. This has led to burnout in my own life, my priorities being misplaced, and my husband and children just getting my ‘leftovers’. I have also learned that by stepping in all the time, I am robbing other church family members of the blessing in serving with their gifts. I am beginning to see that it is a good practice for me to say no. God has been gracious in helping me re-set my priorities, and He has also helped me to see how I can encourage others to step in and share various roles within our church body. - What has been one of your greatest blessings in this ministry context and how has that affected your perspective of small-town and rural ministry?
Answer: The greatest blessing of our small-town ministry has been relationships. Sure, there are challenges to relationships in any context. And in a small town, sometimes people keep you out of the ‘circle’ that has been there for generations. But, with time, patience, taking interest in the things that the town values, and simple kindness, the relationships can be real, deep and lasting. I realize that this is not the experience of everyone in small towns, particularly in ministry. But I’m thankful for the friendships God has given us, and I pray that He will give us the grace to continue to build relationships, love those who are not the most loveable, forgive when others do hurt us, and most importantly to share the message of the Gospel with those around us. - If you could give a piece of advice to other rural and small-town pastors’ wives, what would it be and why?
Answer: I would advise other pastors’ wives serving in a rural context to feast on the Word of God personally so that His Word is what flows out to others as you serve them. Also, open your home to others often and to keep it simple. One of the best ways to get to know and build relationships with people is to show hospitality.