Loving God’s Prophet, Your Preacher-Husband:  Before and After the Sermon, Part Two

“Does this dress make me look fat?” Much has been made about the fact that there is no right answer for a husband whose wife asks this question. I have felt that way too over the years when my husband would ask me after a sermon, “How did I do?” I still remember one Sunday afternoon when we were driving home from the senior’s retirement home he used to preach at once a month in seminary and he asked me how he did. I’m not sure exactly what I said now, but I do remember it was the “wrong” thing and left him feeling more discouraged and me feeling like an awful wife.

Even after all these years I still struggle sometimes to know how I can really help my husband with his sermons because he is so vulnerable after he finishes preaching, yet he always wants to improve and know that He has communicated God’s Word accurately and well.

In Part One, Loving God’s Prophet, Your Preacher-Husband: Before and After the Sermon, I wrote about the importance of knowing God and His Word in order to help our husbands in sermon preparation. We also need to know our husband and his calling.

We have to know our husbands. I didn’t want to turn this post into a list of things to do to help your hubby with sermon preparation because each man needs something different. Some men practice their sermons out loud and like to have an audience to listen; you might need to be that audience. Some husbands manuscript their sermons and need their wives to type them out. I know of a few pastors’ wives who do this, one is my own grandmother, the other is a friend whose husband has physical limitations that hinder his ability to type. I have a friend whose preacher-husband needs her to cook him a big breakfast on Sunday mornings because he gets so hungry from the energy he expends. My husband, on the other hand, can’t eat anything beforehand because he’s too nervous.

The key is to know your own husband’s specific needs and ask him. You might assume he needs you to help him a certain way and find out the hard way that it only frustrates him. So ask him how you can help him based on his unique and God-given way for study and preparation.

Finally, we need to know our husband’s calling. The reality is that our husbands stand up each week pouring out their hearts and souls to our people, making themselves vulnerable in a way that is going to open them up to all kinds of responses, positive and negative. The parable of the soil is very clear that people will respond to the word in different ways and three out of the four are negative! The same people who are praising your husband’s sermon one week will be openly (or secretly) criticizing his preaching the next week.  

As the wife of the preacher you need to be cognizant of the spiritual battle your husband fights by having listening ears and speaking the truth lovingly without criticizing him when he finishes preaching each week. You can be a filter for him so that he can discern which criticism he receives is worth listening to and which needs to be tossed out.

Find out what your husband needs and remember that if you know your God, His Word, your husband and his calling then God will multiply your seemingly small offerings to share the Bread of Life for the hungry souls in our rural and small-town communities.

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Here are some questions that my husband and I have found helpful to guide our conversations after sermons. Feel free to use them as a starting point for your own discussions with your husband.

1. Do I belong in the pulpit?

            Affirm your husband in his teaching gifts, sharing specific things you learned from the sermon, how you were challenged spiritually, what you like about how he communicated the truths that week.

            (Of course, if he doesn’t have that gift, then you’ll have to seek God and His will. Be sure you both are serving in your God-given gift and calling.)

2. Did I misuse the pulpit?

           Describe the overall tone of the message. How did people feel coming away from the message? Challenged? Convicted? Comforted?

Each passage will have a bit of a different tone, depending on the text. The key is related to the next question which is….

3. Did I accurately reflect the text?

On this point my husband has said: “Preaching is part of a divine interaction between God and His people. The preacher is the messenger. I don’t ever want to find myself in the place where I misrepresented the Scriptures.”   

4. What can I do to better communicate?

More words from my husband: “Like it or not, as pastors we are judged by how well we preach. I need to know that I am improving week to week, month to month.  If I am not a better preacher than I was five years ago, there is a problem.”