My “career” as one of those stereotypical troublemaker PKs started early. I was only 1 or 2 when my mom and I went to visit my dad during his break at the seminary where he was studying. A Christian school also used the seminary building, so as we walked down the hallway, it was lined with lunchboxes the kids had set down while they washed their hands before lunch. I was just the right height to snag a bright red (my favorite color then) lunchbox without my mom noticing. The students were not allowed to talk in the hallway, so they didn’t say anything. Mom and I went quite a distance before she noticed the lunchbox swinging from my little hand.
PKs are a unique bunch, whether or not we fit the troublemaker stereotype, and there is often a special bond among us. One of my close friends is also a PK, and we’ve joked that we want to start a support group for PKs. Although we haven’t yet taken steps to form this group, we have chosen our theme verse (taken out of context, naturally): “But I trust that ye shall know that we are not reprobates.” (2 Corinthians 13:6 KJV).
As I grew up in a pastor’s home, I definitely had the “living in a fishbowl” feelings at times. I was conscious that people, some far more than others, were watching to see how the pastor’s kids behaved and that my behavior had the potential to affect my dad’s position as pastor. Most of the time, though, I loved being a PK, and I wouldn’t have wanted my dad to have any other job.
Growing up in the parsonage meant that I could be more involved behind the scenes and have more glimpses into how God was working in our church family. I got to sort out the weekly Sunday School papers (that took me a while since I read the stories in them while I worked) and helped to care for children while their parents were ill or receiving help or at meetings. I knew missionaries and special speakers better because they had meals with our family or stayed in our home or on the church property. When I was in junior high and we began work on a new church building, I even learned how to do sheetrock taping and bedding. Growing up as a PK made me more equipped to serve in my local church and to be a better help to my pastor’s family. Following the example of those who were so helpful and encouraging to my family or remembering what I wish people had done for us gives me an advantage.
It was hard to be a PK when the church was struggling and when my family moved to a new church. One of those times occurred when I was 15 years old. I felt sorry for myself, thinking that if my dad had some job other than being a pastor, we wouldn’t have to move. Had I thought a little harder, I would have realized that most of my friends would also have had to move if their dads changed their jobs. Most of their dads were college professors, and there was not another college in town to transfer to! I also was bothered about the way some of the people in the church treated us. Their treatment wasn’t fair or Biblical, but my dad encouraged our family many times not to get bitter. We couldn’t control other people’s actions, but we could control, and were responsible for, our reactions and responses. My dad often reminded our family of the example of Joseph and his response to his brothers in Genesis 50:20—”As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good.”
I struggled not to be bitter, and I struggled with loneliness as I left the friends I’d had for 10 years. I struggled with patience as months passed by and my dad still didn’t have a new church. We visited churches in Minnesota, Illinois, South Dakota, and Michigan, and heard from churches in Alaska, Newfoundland, and New Brunswick before God clearly directed us to our new church. During the transition, I ended up attending four different high schools in three different states. All my times of being the new girl made me a little more apt to reach out to visitors at our church now and to be a little more sympathetic toward people who seem alone.
I would like to say that I learned well the lessons of not being bitter and of forgiving, but those lessons in high school were part of a foundation that God used to build on later when I was a young adult, married, and still enjoying the blessing of being in my dad’s church. Then, one woman’s desire for control spread to others, and eventually they spread false accusations against every member of my family. No matter how many meetings and “Matthew 18” steps we tried, things continued to snowball, and my dad ended up resigning.
Once again, my dad encouraged our family with examples and principles from Scripture, and I come back to those even today as problems arise. One example was Job, who said, “But He knows the way that I take; when He has tried me, I shall come out as gold” (Job 23:10). Ephesians 6:12 showed us who we really were dealing with: “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” Peter’s words about Christ were probably the most challenging: “For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in His steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in His mouth. When He was reviled, he did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but continued entrusting Himself to Him who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:21-23).
It was hard to forgive when most of the people didn’t seek to set things right or ask forgiveness, and when my family moved hours away, leaving my husband and me searching for a new church to attend. I had to remember how much God had forgiven me and that God was working all things for our good. A wise family friend challenged our family to read through Psalms and to look for all the characteristics of God and all the ways He works on behalf of His children. That exercise helped me to put my focus back on God and not on myself.
Despite the difficulties and challenges of being a PK, I wouldn’t want to change how I grew up, and I know my friend feels the same way. We’ve turned out fine, I think, even though a missionary laughed when he heard what we PKs grew up to be. She’s a lawyer, and I’m a township treasurer/tax collector—a Pharisee and a publican!
