Reluctance: A Joy Stealer

Reluctance is one of my biggest joy stealers. It can sneak up on me when I least expect it. Once I start focusing on myself I can quickly lose the bigger picture of seeing sacrifices for my church family as participation in God’s kingdom work. Most of the time I can send my pastor-husband off to morning leader meetings and lunch prayer times and evening worship practices and any other sort of commitment with a joyful smile and blessing! Then there are the days my smile is forced and my farewells are noticeably hesitant and distinctively joyless.

Ministry has its hard moments and, thankfully, I often forget that. Small town and rural church ministry has many interesting demands that I should have seen coming. Well, I guess I did see the demands coming because I grew up in a rural lay-family that went to a small town church and we participated in it enthusiastically! I wonder what makes the meetings and events and responsibility different now that I am the pastor’s wife? Besides not being 15 years old anymore, the lines between home-life and ministry seem blurrier now. Before vocational ministry I was considerably more eager for Trevor and me to participate in the mundane parts of church life. I saw the value in serving and using our gifts, including attending the meetings! Now I notice we cannot help but participate in any church things without the label and responsibility that comes with “pastor.” So, in short, all church involvement feels like more “work” and that is not easy for me.  

Let me give you a recent example. At the end of the week, on our day off, my dear husband decided last minute it was best for him to voluntarily attend the extra evening event where the visiting missionary from our church would give her full report. I agreed it would be good for him to go and show support. I admit I was not very excited about the idea. I would have rather had him stay home and spend time with me. When the time came for my husband to leave I wanted to be happy for him and for our missionary friend, but I was not. My reluctant heart started rearing its ugly head and my joy rushed out the door into the cold right behind him.

“The kitchen could get cleaned up in half the time if he stayed home!”

“I don’t want to put the girls to bed by myself.”

“And why does he get to socialize and pray with other Christians and eat food?!”

 

First, let me say that my response to the situation was not very rewarding for myself and it was not very God-honouring either. In this case I unwillingly served at home and I grudgingly allowed Trevor to “pastor.” When Trevor arrived home again we discussed the scenario surrounding my “pity-party for one.” It was then that my joy-thieving attitude was identified as reluctance. Maybe the lessons I learned will aid you:

I perceive that the root of my reluctant heart was discontentedness. I so often want something different than what I have. I want to trade in my cards instead of joyfully serving and using ministry trials to grow my perseverance and character. In turn, I can hinder my husband from serving willingly and joyfully too. A question for you to ponder: “Are my concerns about my husband’s commitments, etc. motivated by selfish ambition?”

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Phil 2:3

 

Admitting the sacrifices my family and I make is okay because pretending we are always happy to give up daddy and husband is not true. At times giving up my husband to ministry needs, especially unexpected needs, can be a great sacrifice. It is a sacrifice for him too. (Surprisingly, it did not immediately occur to me that it is not always his first choice to attend evening meetings or have long phone-calls from home either!) When I acknowledge that my husband also sacrifices and finds it difficult to joyfully serve I can extend empathy. Instead of seeing him or ministry as the problem we can fight side-by-side against our reluctant hearts, asking God for the help we so desperately need. Pray, “God help us to look not to our own interests but follow Jesus who emptied himself and humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death.”

Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Phil 2:4-8

 

If I tally my “losses” I should acknowledge the advantages ministry brings and tally my “wins” too! I can be blind to the benefits of being a stay-at-home mom and pastor’s wife. Instead of appreciating the blessings and privileges of ministry it is easier for me to announce to my husband the many disadvantages there are in being married to him. (Yes, I can exaggerate and yes he is gracious with me!) And beyond present benefits, we have the hope of the coming fulfillment of all God’s promises.

Think about Jesus’ exaltation by the Father after his death. “How is God’s provision for my family and the coming glorification of his Church impacting my mindset and actions?

Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. Phil 2:9-11 (see also Romans 8:18-30)

 

“Oh, LORD please trade my reluctant heart for one of joy. Thank you that you are not done with me yet.”

 

[I]t is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life. Philippians 2:13-16a