We have a doormat on our front porch. It’s one of those things you don’t think about too much because it’s just there all the time. Usually, the only time I think about it is when the corner curls up, and I turn the mat so no one trips or when extra leaves and dirt collect, and I finally take a broom to it! But a doormat really is a useful thing—for safety, to keep out the worst of the dirt, and to welcome people into a home.
Those are all good things, and, in fact, they illustrate to a certain degree what it means to be a servant to others. When I think of how we have served our people over the years as pastor and wife to various congregations of believers, it has often felt like we’ve kind of been like that doormat. We’ve continually done things others haven’t noticed much. We’ve let people wipe their dirt on us and sometimes walk all over us; and we’ve certainly welcomed them into our lives and our homes.
Isn’t this what we are supposed to do, though? As followers of Jesus, we are called to serve others. Jesus set an example for His disciples in this when He washed their feet on the night He was betrayed. He washed every stinky, dirt-encrusted, callous-covered pair reclining at that table—even the feet of the one who would betray Him. Then, when He was finished doing this work of a servant, He concluded the lesson with this: “If I then, your Lord and teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet” (John 13:14).
So, why is it that the old adage, “don’t be a doormat” keeps ringing in my head when I read these words? Isn’t being a servant like being a doormat? Jesus told us to serve others without notice, doing the hard and unpleasant tasks. Jesus said we were to lay down our lives for our friends–there is no greater way to show love than to do just that (John 15:13). But what does serving really look like? Does it mean to let others walk all over you like a doormat?
I thought about this principle of laying down your life like a servant a lot when I first became a parent. When my oldest newborn daughter was colicky, projectile vomited, and refused to be separated from me, I felt what it meant to lay down my life in a very practical way. I was often sleep-deprived and emotionally exhausted in loving and serving her. In parenting (and in ministry) laying down your daily desires for the sake of another becomes a way of living.
However, I think that we miss something when in either parenting or in shepherding people we lay down our lives to the point of excluding other key actions that are necessary in servanthood. Servanthood also requires that we stand on the authority of the truth.
My totally dependent newborn girl grew into a very independent toddler with an extensive vocabulary. She apparently thought her many words gave her much wisdom because one day when I directed her to do something, she fisted her hands on her tiny hips, stomped her toddler feet and insisted, “You are not the boss of me!”.
Well, actually, I am, I thought. And I proceeded to follow through with having her complete the task I had directed her to do. Though I am to be a servant to my daughter, sacrificing for her needs and laying down my life for her, that did not extend to allowing her to usurp my authority as her parent.
If I did, I would not be serving her at all, because I’d be teaching her to trust her own immature judgment, opening her up to all kinds of unsafe decisions. I needed to teach her to wipe off the dirt from her feet, so she could be clean in obedience to me as her mother and to God who placed me over her. She needed me to serve her with the truth of God’s Word: children obey your parents in the Lord (Ephesians 6:1).
When we serve our people in ministry, I think it is the same. We must find joy in laying down our lives for our people by teaching and hosting and answering their calls and texts and listening to their problems and being available when they are in crisis; but, we also serve them by proclaiming the message of truth. They will not always like that, just like my daughter didn’t like me telling her what to do and, essentially, attempted to stamp on me despite all the ways I laid down my life for her.
The doormats of our lives don’t just have the word “Welcome” on them, though people should definitely experience the warm invitation of Christ. That invitation is more than just one word because to what does Christ welcome us? He welcomes us to “Repent and believe”.
The guests in our lives and our homes will willingly receive our acts of service and sacrifice. However, as servants of the Living God, we must also courageously assert His authority by giving the truth. That might mean that you turn off your phone at 9pm even though that woman in your church feels you should answer her text messages at 11pm. Or it might mean that you and your husband have to frankly tell that man that he is flirting with disaster when he continues chatting over Facebook with his old high school flame who is not his current wife.
It might even mean that we move on from serving a congregation because they will not receive the message that they need grace, that their sin separates them from God the Father and that His Love can only be known and received once that sin is confessed, forgiveness is accepted, and the relationship is restored through Christ.
The message on the doormat of our lives can only be rejected so much before the mat has to be rolled up, brought inside the house and tucked away.
Hopefully, the ones who came freely before and suddenly find the door shut, might eventually trip and fall while they try to force their way in getting some skinned knees in the bargain. Those skinned knees might cause them to miss the service the mat used to provide. Maybe then they will recognize that all those acts of service in the past reflected the Person and Message of truth. Then they will knock on the door and ask to come in.
At that point, we can open the door, roll out the mat, and welcome them in.
And, hopefully, they will come to love our Ever-Present Guest so much that they put out their own mat at the door of their lives and hearts so that even more can come into the house.
Guaranteed, they will get stepped on in the process, too, but the service will all be worth it.
Taking it Further:
When have you found yourself feeling like a doormat in ministry?
How can you be a humble servant in your situation and still stand strong on truth in relationships?