The last time I was on a date was about 25 years ago. A few months ago I decided that I needed to start dating again. This time, I set my sights on dating my pastor. Of course, he’s the same man I dated 25 years ago, but he has changed and so have I. Dating the same man that I have known for the past 25 years has been an adventure that is both challenging and extremely rewarding.
It is so easy to get caught up in the busyness of life and forget to nurture our relationships with our ministering husbands. Life gets in the way as we take care of children or other family members, plan church services and outreach ministries, and take care of the day-to-day needs that arise in our lives. Despite how hectic life often becomes, maintaining a strong marriage is vital to each of us as we seek to lead and provide an example of a strong, Godly marriage in the areas where we are called to serve.
Proverbs 3:3,4 says “Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good success in the sight of God and man.” This verse reminds me to be faithful. I need to continually seek to love the man God has given me and to strive to deepen our relationship. This is not always an easy task as our days get filled with commitments and never ending to-do lists.
I have come to realize that going on a date with my husband is more about mindset than it is about finding the perfect circumstances. If I wait for the perfect time and place, it will never happen. It is the small, quiet times that have a profound impact on my marriage and the ways that I interact with my husband.
I used to think it was a little odd when I heard someone say that were going on a date with their spouse but, as I spent time really thinking about what it means, the idea has come to make much more sense to me. Choosing to date my husband is an intentional choice on my part to strengthen our marriage and the bond of love that we share.
When we first begin to date someone, we are interested in finding out everything about them. What are the things they enjoy? What makes them happy? We want to know everything we can about their thoughts and feelings so we can grow closer together.You would think that I should know everything there is to know about my husband after being together for many years, wouldn’t you? It turns out that I don’t. The reality is that we all change as we live our lives and experience our own unique paths that God has given to each of us to walk.
I remember the excitement of getting to know the man who would be my husband, but that young man is not the same person to whom I am now married. Over the years God has moulded him into a mature, caring man that in many ways does not resemble the person that I married. I know that I have also changed significantly and so, therefore, has the love that we have for each other.
So how do I date my husband? Well, I have found that asking about his thoughts and feelings is really important. When I assume I know, I often get it wrong, but when I ask, I open doors for conversation and the development of emotional intimacy. I have also discovered how important the little things can be – touching, holding hands, talking, listening, all of these things strengthen my marriage. It is important to remember not only what you love about your spouse but also what you like about him. What was it that drew you to him in the first place?
As I have worked through the process of how to date my husband I have found that I have had to define the word date very loosely. As I mentioned earlier, the concept of dating my husband is more about my outlook than it is about going on any costly or exciting adventures. My favourite date is going to the splash pad. We drive to our local town, buy a couple of coffees, and pull out the lawn chairs. While our daughter plays at the splash pad, we sit and talk. Sometimes we talk about “important” things but other times we just chat about the things that interest us, the things that draw us together. If the weather is nice we might be able to spend an entire hour or more just hanging out together while our daughter plays.
Another way we date each other is by spending some time in the early morning praying, reading the Bible, and talking about the upcoming day. We don’t manage to do this every single day, but it is a wonderful way to start the day with the person I love before we each have to go our separate ways as the day progresses. We consciously grow together in God’s will as a couple as we choose to read the Bible, pray together, and discuss life’s daily decisions.
Last year my husband built a fire pit in our backyard. We haven’t used it a lot but I love it. There is nothing nicer, as far as I am concerned, than being able to sit out with my husband and daughter roasting marshmallows and gazing at the stars. It is pretty romantic even with our daughter joining us because she is a part of who we are. Raising her together has helped shape us into the people we have become.
Another way I like to date my husband is late at night when we are driving in the car. We put on some music that we love and we talk and talk and talk. We talk about everything and anything and, in doing so, we draw closer to one another. We have fun, we laugh, and we get to know each other over and over again.
I can’t overestimate the value I place on taking the time to talk to my husband, but all the talking in the world would be useless if we didn’t listen to one another. For us, being open to one another and really listening to what the other person is saying is what drives our relationship. We choose to love each other but taking the time to really listen to what the other person is saying and responding in meaningful ways helps us maintain a loving, healthy, and nurturing relationship.
Everyone changes over time as God works in our lives. Choose to get to know, deeply love, and truly like the person your husband has become. Have fun dating the pastor.
That’s a great line, Marcy: “I have come to realize that going on a date with my husband is more about mindset than it is about finding the perfect circumstances.” When I’m hinging too much on the “perfect circumstance” I can get bitter so quickly when things don’t go how I wanted them to go.