Usually writing articles for this blog comes easy for me. I had many ideas for the second part of this series before the deadline compelled me to sit down and start writing. But every time my fingers rested on the keyboard, I would type a few paragraphs and writer’s block would hit hard. I’d leave my computer, letting my thoughts ruminate for a time, hoping that the time away would give me the break-through I needed to put something on the page.
At the time this article was scheduled I intended to mention mothers, because it comes after the day we set aside every year to honour our mothers. I planned to talk about my mother and grandmothers – how their godly examples influenced me to grow in Christ-like character.
But God kept bringing to mind another mother who has impacted me significantly. In sharing about my relationship with her I hope you will be encouraged in your journey as a mother- or daughter-in-law or love.
Within the year of our wedding day, my father-in-law left my mother-in-law, leaving her alone in her townhouse, three days drive and one country border away from us. Her mental health had been poor for years and this event magnified her struggles. The responsibility for her care fell to us, but that distance made it a challenge to provide for her. In her desperation and loneliness, we did all that we could to support her with near-daily phone calls and the few in-person visits we could manage during those years my husband was finishing his seminary degree.
When we were looking for a church to candidate in as graduation approached, we knew that we didn’t want to be too far from her so that we could continue to provide the care she needed. God answered, and my husband’s first church out of seminary was located about three and a half hours driving distance away—much better than three or four days!
As her physical and mental health deteriorated drastically, we knew that something would have to change again as our tenure at that first church drew to a close. We moved her into a seniors retirement home a month before we moved to a new church, about a 45 minute drive from her new home. This enabled us to visit more often and give her the love and care she needed.
A ladies Bible study I participated in at that first church once highlighted the relationship that Ruth had with Naomi. I remember being hugely impacted by this at the time, as I felt like I could identify with Ruth. I knew I was certainly not always the shining godly woman she was shown to be in Scripture, but I could see parallels for my life in her relationship with her mother-in-law.
My mother-in-law had lost her husband; most of her sons weren’t that close to her. Like her daughter-in-law did, I was living in her homeland, trying to be her caregiver, comforter, and friend.
I had my role model in Ruth, but as the years have passed I can’t say that I have always emulated the grace, patience, and faithful committed love that Ruth showed Naomi. Naomi’s name means “pleasant”, but by her own suggestion she asked to be called Mara meaning “bitter” (see Ruth 1:20-21). Over the years my mother-in-law has suffered greatly and she could also be called “Mara” as it comes out in her behavior almost daily.
What broke through my writer’s block was seeing the word “hope” that I had circled in the first chapter of Ruth. Naomi spoke to both her daughters-in-law, urging them to return to their people and their god. (Remember she had two daughters-in-law; only Ruth chose to go with her.) One of Naomi’s reasons for insisting on this, was that even if Naomi would have the hope that God would give her a husband that night, would they then wait for her to have sons grow old enough to marry them so they could have a family, too, through them? (see Ruth 1:12).
Of course, the logic said no! But the word hope stalled me. Naomi felt there was no hope for these women in Israel, no hope in following her, a bitter woman, back to a land they had left in the first place because there had been no food. Further, they would be foreigners in Israel, Gentiles who would never be able to enter near to worship God because they were not one of God’s chosen.
Yet…Ruth went.
She stayed with Naomi. She loved her. She cared for her. She listened to her and took her advice. She followed Naomi’s God. The true God.
And, He blessed her abundantly with hope.
Does my relationship with my mother-in-law have such a “happy ending” as Ruth’s story? Not exactly. But Ruth’s life teaches me a few things about what it means to strengthen hope in the midst of building godly character as I grow with others.
- Inevitably, when we are attached to people, whether through blood, marriage, or any other intentional commitment, we will grow one way or another–how we grow is up to us.
- Truly good growth is painful but necessary.
- I am guaranteed a good ending, though it might not be my idea of good.
As believers we cling to the truth of Romans 8:28—that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him. For years I equated that word “good” with things never going wrong, partly because I always read it out of context. As I examined the whole chapter, and especially the two verses that follow this amazing promise, it became clearer to me what it really meant.
Romans 8:28-30 says that He “causes all things to work together for good to those who have been called according to His purpose” (emphasis mine). It’s His purposes that prevail, not ours which, if we are honest, are usually to have an easy, pleasant and comfortable life.
Those who are called are destined before time to be what? Conformed to the image of His Son. Those destined-before-time-ones are called and justified and will be glorified.
If God is conforming me to the image of His Son so that I reflect His glory one day, then I need to expect that my life and relationships may not all be ideal. I can, in fact, expect that God will place people in my life who are less than pleasant and who will stretch me beyond where I thought I was so strong and merciful and patient. Why? Because we need others to grow in the places where He wants to work to make us more like Him.
When I imagined the kind of family I would marry into, my expectations and hopes were coloured by my youthful naivety and my foolish pride. (So were my perceptions of my own family, by the way!) When God stripped that expectation away and challenged me to love a family that wasn’t quite what I had imagined, I was ready to jump in.
Like Ruth, I didn’t know the full implications of that commitment, nor did I know how much He would expose my own sin and pride along the way. I am also guessing that Ruth didn’t know the implications either and likely had some struggles along her journey even though those aren’t recorded for us.
What I do know, though, is that Ruth and I worship the same God. He is the One in Whom we have both placed our hope. Placing my hope in Him, the Master Planter will bring the growth He desires as I interact with all those God places in my path and calls me to love.
The question is: Will I let Him tend me and my relationships with others so I see the fruits and flowers of my labour?
Will you?
Thank you for this, Wendy! I too, struggle with the “good” that God works in us. I know what it means, even though I want it to mean that my life isn’t hard. Thank you for this reminder of the role we play in our relationships with others!