Oh, Lord, what have we gotten ourselves into?
This thought travels through my head on a regular basis. Every time I say yes to something and I’m pressed for time. When one of my children or my husband has come up with another harebrained scheme that I find I cannot say no to. But the thought has run itself through my head so many times in the last year, I’m not sure if the Lord is even listening sometimes.
Of course, I know He’s there with every fiber of my being. Otherwise, I think we would have left ministry years ago because of hardship and doubt. Sometimes the only thing that keeps us plugging away at hard things is the stubborn faith that the Lord knows, the Lord sees, the Lord hears everything.
Our family doesn’t do anything in halves. This last year, we’ve sent the last of our kids off to kindergarten, started one at the high school, and both my husband and I took new vocational positions. He moved away from the pastorate and into parachurch ministry, and I headed back to the classroom full-time as a middle-school teacher (with our middle child in my class). Chaos is the only appropriate word for our lives lately. We’ve also been assisting parents with health problems any way we can, and we are renovating our home while floating around church families during this transition. We try to compound stress into highly concentrated doses. We have a pattern of doing this.
While I don’t recommend throwing all caution to the wind (we really aren’t that type of people, I can honestly assure you of that), Adam and I have learned over the years to trust in the Lord for these things. The amazing thing is that He’s not led us astray yet, and I hold firmly to the prospect that He never will. He has chosen us for this purpose, and He will do with us as He wills.
In the moment or process of these transitions though, I often lose sight of God at work. It’s so much easier to look back and sing of His glory and grace. It’s often harder to see the pillar of fire through all the smoke or to see the pillar of cloud in all the fog. The Israelites knew God was leading them through the desert, and they believed it with their souls as shown through their worship and through their feet literally following Him. But they were also (for lack of a better term) dumb. They made mistakes, they doubted, they turned the wrong way and cast about their gazes for something easier. At the first sign of trouble (Egyptians!), they turned to Moses and complained (Exodus 13-14). Now I don’t have a Moses to complain to, but I do have a husband. And I find myself having to stop myself, though not often enough, from complaining about things at the first sign of trouble. Any hiccup in the road, and I’m immediately second-guessing all the things God has done to lead our family to this place. I immediately question my gifts, my experience, my calling for whatever outside force is pushing against me, especially if it is someone in earthly authority over me.
But in these last six months of transition, I’ve learned a number of things. Things I’m trying to remember when all I have around me is fog and smoke. A church that we’ve been visiting the last few months has begun a season of concentrating on prayer, and it’s been lovely to watch God’s people be renewed by the power of prayer. This weekend we sang the old and wonderful hymn “Sweet Hour of Prayer” during service. And while my lips could automatically sing most of the words, the lyrics struck me in a new and refreshing way. The tune has bubbled itself from my heart, and I find myself humming it while things swirl around me this week. It has calmed and centered my soul. Here are the first three verses for you to sing or read as a prayer. Spend a sweet time in prayer, even if you can’t grab a whole hour; the Lord is waiting for you and for me.
Sweet hour of prayer! sweet hour of prayer!
That calls me from a world of care,
And bids me at my Father’s throne
Make all my wants and wishes known.
In seasons of distress and grief,
My soul has often found relief,
And oft escaped the tempter’s snare,
By thy return, sweet hour of prayer!
Sweet hour of prayer! sweet hour of prayer!
The joys I feel, the bliss I share,
Of those whose anxious spirits burn
With strong desires for thy return!
With such I hasten to the place
Where God my Savior shows His face,
And gladly take my station there,
And wait for thee, sweet hour of prayer!
Sweet hour of prayer! sweet hour of prayer!
Thy wings shall my petition bear
To Him whose truth and faithfulness
Engage the waiting soul to bless.
And since He bids me seek His face,
Believe His Word and trust His grace,
I’ll cast on Him my every care,
And wait for thee, sweet hour of prayer!
