In the late fall and early winter, things were not going well. There were bad days, and then there were some days that turned into bad weeks, and then a few bad months. I couldn’t seem to keep my eyes above the waves. Really, there were a few bad things at work that I could not resolve. But I spiraled into a new level of grief during our time of transition.
I’d been carrying the mentality that I could do everything. I could still come home and make a decent dinner for our family every night, even after working 12 hours. I could still maintain a semblance of a clean house at all times (that’s always been a dream of mine). I could still keep up with all my text messages, emails, Bible studies, volunteering, and deadlines for everything.
It wasn’t true. I couldn’t. I was failing and floundering.
My husband was coming home from work and making dinner at least 3-4 nights a week. I had to let him. It felt as if I was failing, but really it turned out that my husband doesn’t mind making dinner. After more than 15 years, our roles have shifted. I also have children old enough to help and pitch in, too. They maintain clean laundry levels in our house with varying results and are great at watching the youngest kid.
In the last post about transition, I talked about being in what I call the Israelite Cycle. I was in the cycle. I was floundering, failing, grasping at anything. It’s in times like these that I need a perspective change, something to help me break the cycle. Sometimes it could be a word from my husband kindly calling me out on my bad attitude or sometimes it’s a nice long walk or run outside. But the best thing I’ve found is turning to the Lord and letting Him show me how to best change my own heart and, very often, my attitude.
Below I have 10 things I’ve been trying to remember, not just in a time of transition but uncertainty in general. Some have Bible passages, others just have stories or characters from the Bible. If I’ve missed a reference or a good Bible example for each of these, leave them in the comments to help strengthen me and others in the journey ahead.
1. It is okay for the Lord to refine us.
Isaiah 48:10; Jeremiah 9:7
2. It is okay to remain silent for a time.
Queen Esther
3. It is okay for it to be a mess.
Paul’s Second Missionary Journey
4. It is okay to ask for help.
Paul again
5. It is okay to feel lonely even though we are not alone.
Elijah: 1 Kings 17
6. It is okay to recognize that transition is hard.
Abraham, Mary, Rich Young Ruler
7. It is okay to be happy and sad at the same time.
This John Piper article was very interesting
8. It is okay to doubt God’s reasoning but not okay to stay there.
Jonah and the great fish, Mary, Elizabeth
9. It is okay to spend some time inside ourselves and not always be “on.”
Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane
10. It is okay to not love everything that is new.
Isaiah 41:10; Psalm 55:22
The few bad things have begun to resolve themselves. While it’s mostly the time and space that give clarity to a situation, something a coworker and dear follower of Jesus said to me has stuck with me and continues to be my anthem. “This is not your fight.” She meant it on many levels. The problems I was being caught in the middle of were not my problems; they were being projected onto me, and I was an easy and vulnerable target. But she also meant that this was not my battle; it was God’s. There was absolutely nothing I could do to fix the problem I was in besides obey those in leadership and pray that the Lord would make the purpose clear and work it for His glory.
This looks all pretty and easy typed out on the page, but there were ragged edges around my soul for weeks. Dread, anxiety, and confusion just nagged me. Even armored with God’s Word stuck in little places where I would see His promises all the time, I was spent and exhausted. We were not transitioning well. Not only did I begin thinking about the statements above to allow myself the space to grow and heal, I also concentrated on the things I could control, and not on the things I couldn’t. These steps are crucial to transitioning from one thing to the next. There will be variables beyond your control, whether it’s the people you are now associated with or the amount of work you are expected to do. Things will rub as a new shoe begins to fit. There’s always a blister or two before things are broken in and feel comfortable.
I’d love to say everything works out perfectly. Sometimes I’m sure it does. This transition is still in process here at our home. We are still adjusting to new schedules and roles within our household. My husband is still making dinner more often than I would want him to (even though he doesn’t mind), and there are still variables beyond my control at work. My thoughts and emotions still sometimes swirl about me with things I have no power over. But the Lord is faithful, He is worthy, our lives belong to Him, and He will not fail us. This I know, and to this I cling.
