The Long Road from Legalism to Grace Part I: Recognizing the Cage

This is Part I of III. Please be sure to read Part II and Part III for the full story and context. 

We’re all recovering legalists. 

This is the phrase I heard from my pastor throughout my childhood and then when I was on staff under his leadership as an adult. 

I’ll be honest, I didn’t agree with him. I had a nose ring. I wasn’t Amish. I was OK with a glass of wine, going to the movies, or listening to secular music. In my mind I had a picture of what “legalistic” meant, and it sure wasn’t me. But legalism is actually an issue of the heart, and it’s nearly impossible to identify just by outward expressions and actions. 

Legalism is the idea that our standing before God, our righteousness, is determined by our ability to conform to rules. Legalism tries to accomplish through legislation what only the Holy Spirit can accomplish through the heart. 

While rigidness and restriction might be the first presentation of legalism that comes to mind, there can actually be legalism, a set of “righteous rules,” lurking in our hearts disguised as false grace. 

I trust God enough to send my kids to public school, so obviously I just have more faith than homeschoolers. 

I don’t mind having a beer when we go out so clearly I live in more grace than those who don’t partake. 

I can worship God even at a secular concert, so I understand His unlimiting creativity more than the “Christian music only” crowd. 

Do you see it? Do you see how we can’t resist creating a measuring stick for our own goodness even when what we’re doing isn’t inherently sinful? 

My point is, we can wear a bun, a denim skirt, have zero electronics, and our hearts can be fully living in God’s grace and freedom. Equally, we can be wearing a Dashboard Confessional tee, dropping our kids off at the mall to see Spiderman, driving home to have a glass of wine, reading Harry Potter, and ALSO be living in God’s grace and freedom. 

Legalism creeps in when we keep a measuring stick for holiness in our back pocket, ready to whip it out as soon as we see a behavior that conflicts with our personal preferences or convictions. 

There’s no ‘one way’ to follow Jesus. Outside of the fundamentals of the faith, God gives a lot of room for freedom and Holy Spirit-directed conviction. He gives us principles to live by, but not formulas.

The Jen of 9 years ago knew none of this. 

I was 29-years-old, freshly moved to a town 12 hours from where I’d grown up, and naively believing all churches basically saw things the same way. My husband was the newly-hired pastor of a small, struggling church in Flagstaff, AZ. God had very clearly led us to this place that didn’t really make a lot of sense to outsiders, but immediately felt like home to us. We walked into Calvary Bible Church on a fall day in 2017, and knew this was our next assignment. 

Our first Sunday had 17 people. They were so excited to have us. After four years without a pastor, this little group of faithful people were thrilled to have a shepherd with a young family in the pulpit. 

I want to be extremely clear here: I love these people. I love them deeply. As I share the road we’ve walked these last nine years, my goal is never to tear them down, shame them, or blame them in any way. My desire is to build up, to encourage another woman who may feel stuck, and maybe to shine light into areas of legalism we might be blind to. Please keep that in mind as you read on. 

Our first few weeks in our new community were sweet. People brought us meals, had us into their homes, and showed us around our cozy little mountain town. 

Then came Christmas. 

Apparently, as the pastor’s wife, I was in charge of decorating. 

No problem, I love to decorate, I love Christmas, and as most of my decor was still in boxes in our rental, I was thrilled to have a place to make something beautiful. 

They loved the trees, the ribbon, the lights. But… why didn’t you arrange a ladies luncheon, Jen?? We always have a ladies luncheon when we decorate the church for Christmas. So-and-so is really upset that we didn’t do the traditional lunch. 

There it was, the first unspoken expectation I had failed. 

This is a red flag for legalism. If you constantly feel like you are messing up or disappointing someone, you are probably dealing with a legalist. They’ve got a measuring stick and you come up short; partly because they’re not clear on expectations, and partly because the goal post is always moving. 

It started showing up more and more in snowball momentum. One Saturday I reorganized a storage space in the lobby and created a coffee bar for Sunday mornings. Overnight an anonymous someone came in, dismantled the coffee bar, and literally built a coatrack in its place. Wood rod, screws, the whole thing. Overnight.

Ok… let’s put the coffee bar in the Fellowship Hall, no problem. The first Sunday that we had coffee and donuts, two ladies stood next to the coffee cart, vacuums in hand, to immediately vacuum any crumbs someone might dare drop. Welcoming, right? 

Then, it started to get more personal. 

My kids’ hairstyles, Aaron’s beard, our wardrobe. 

In a particularly scathing email, I was called a Jezebel for wearing pants to church when I played drums for worship. 

This wasn’t the entire church, in fact many of them would be astounded to read these accounts, they had no idea, and had only ever expressed encouragement to us. But the few displeased voices were loud, and unrelenting.

I honestly don’t believe they were vindictive. I think often our very sincere desire for reverence, holiness, modesty, and biblical doctrine can slip into harsh legalism without even realizing it’s happening. Sometimes we’ve felt a conviction from God so deeply, it’s difficult for us to imagine someone else might not feel the same prompting. And, in an effort to help or correct or even encourage, we place the weight of our conviction onto the shoulders of everyone around us. 

So when does a desire to obey and please God become something else? 

This is where we can look back at our definition of legalism: Legalism tries to accomplish through legislation what only the Holy Spirit can accomplish through the heart. 

If you find yourself with a longer and longer rule book, you might be trying to legislate holiness. If you find yourself dictating your convictions into God-ordained precepts, you might be confusing conviction with doctrine. 

If you have no one you are accountable to, you might have raised yourself onto a platform of arrogance. 

If it seems your circle of trusted friends is shrinking or non-existent, you might have scared off others with harsh responses and unrealistic expectations.

We all do this to some extent. I promise you, there are blind spots for all of us. 

God knows this. There is a reason we are called to depend on His Spirit for discernment and wisdom. He knows our hearts are bent towards self-righteousness. 

Something that contributes to this slippery slope is a tendency of many well-intentioned, doctrinally conservative churches: to neglect the Holy Spirit. Often we worship the Trinity of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Scripture. 

Stay with me here! I love the Bible!

Reading God’s Word apart from abiding in the Spirit makes us Pharisees. Knowing truth without living in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control means you might as well walk around clanging a cymbal in people’s faces. (Read through Galatians 5)

The indwelling Holy Spirit is God’s supernatural gift given after the resurrection of Jesus. It is the Helper Jesus left with us in His stead. And I bring this up because for our church’s particular struggle with legalism, minimizing the Holy Spirit was a major reason the train went off the rails. We had people who wanted to err on the side of ignoring the Spirit so as not to be placed in the category of charismatic or pentecostal (churches that are filled with our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, churches I love and value even if we have differing views on secondary or tertiary issues) and in doing so, silenced Him. 

If we silence the Spirit, we not only become our own conscience, we place ourselves as the conscience for others. 

This became glaringly apparent in the biggest battle of legalism we faced as a church: worship. 

Taking it further:

1. What are some areas in your own life where you might have been unknowingly legalistic? 
2. After reading Galatians 5, compare the works of the flesh to the works of the Spirit. Where do you find yourself resting? 

Read more in Part II: Opening the Doors.