I’ll never forget the first words that escaped my lips the moment after my first son was born and laid on my chest.
It was a blizzarding, blustering February day. His due date. I had walked laps at the mall. I had bounced and bounced and bounced on my big blue exercise ball. I tried pressure points, I tried deep squats, I tried a warm shower, I tried it all. After giving up hope of an on-time baby, I stepped out of my sister’s car and into the parking lot of Hobby Lobby to distract my weary mind and swollen ankles with reams of fabric for new curtains–and then my water broke.
He came fast and strong. Six hours from that moment in the parking lot he was in my arms.
My Jude.
“I don’t recognize him!!”
That was what I said in shock when that scrunchy-faced newborn looked up at me with eyes that seemed too wise to be so fresh.
“How could I not recognize him?” I asked my husband who simply smiled through tears and kissed my forehead. I just couldn’t comprehend it. This baby boy, who held a grip on my heart like no one ever had, who I loved so completely I would have died for in a moment, who I had been thinking of nonstop for the better part of a year–I didn’t recognize him.
How could I love someone so much not having ever seen his face? Not having known about the two freckles beneath his left eye. Not having known the sound of his voice or the way he winks a little when he laughs. And yet I did. I did, and somehow that enormous love only grew as I knew him more and more.
“Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory.” 1 Peter 1:8
During this time of year, when we celebrate and remember the birth of Jesus, I think often of Mary. As she rubbed a hand over her growing belly, did she try to picture the face of her child like the rest of us have? Did she wonder how an invisible God would look, born in the flesh? Was her love for her child overshadowed by her fear of how this would all work out? Did she long for her Messiah while simultaneously longing to rock her first born baby, knowing somehow those were one and the same?
And then Jesus came in that lowly place, surrounded by animals and manure instead of grandmothers and aunties. Wrapped in humility instead of wrapped in glory. Delivered by a father who would soon be delivered by Him. Held by a mother who was also His child. Did Mary look at His face and think, “I don’t recognize Him, but I love Him”?
“And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.” John 1:14
When we dwell on what Jesus did, on how the Father loves us, and on the ways the Holy Spirit guides, our love for our Triune God can’t help but grow. When we ponder the wonders of God in our hearts, love begins to overshadow the fact that we haven’t yet seen Him face-to-face. Our belief in Him isn’t limited by physical interaction. And because He is kind and gentle and reveals His character through His Word, His creation, His people, and His Spirit, we are able to rejoice with inexpressible joy for His glory.
And though we haven’t seen Him, we know Him. We love Him.
“But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart.” Luke 2:19
Grace and peace.
