How do I stop doing ministry from a place of hurt? I’ve been asking myself this because I can tell that I’m doing this–and I hate it. Everything feels personal. Every bit of conflict or trouble seems to deepen my wounds. I’m doing my best not to let it spill over onto others, while I wrestle with this question: how do I stop?
I would love the answer to be that you take a break, perhaps a beach vacation. If a beach vacation seems out of reach, you can instead grasp for whatever seems to feed your soul – for me that’s getting lost in a book or taking a long run or deep cleaning all the things. But there’s a level of hurt that good coffee and long bubble baths can’t touch. I have run miles upon miles and read a great fiction series and I even took that beach vacation–and I’m here to say that all of these things are good gifts from God, and I’m thankful for them, but they don’t fix me. The much better answer is that I am invited to come boldly to the throne of grace (Hebrews 4:16).
At some point in the past year I stopped raising my sorrows to Christ, and started just trying to be strong. “This is normal ministry life. Don’t make a big deal out of it,” I tell myself. “My husband seems so much less affected by what people say or do, I just need to be more like him,” I think. But there’s a difference between being strong, and letting Christ be your strength. And the latter is so much better. And how do we access this? This letting Christ be your strength? By bringing our weakness to Him (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). I tell the Lord all of the time that I want to put up walls, and instead, today, will You help me tear them down? I ask Him to help me not replay conversations. I pour out injustices in prayer. I ask for grace to just lean in–just lean in today. To help me set out the welcome mat of my heart when I step through the doors of church or open up the doors of my home. I ask Him to help me not curl up inward but to stretch outward, to notice 
others hurts and not nurse my own. I remind myself that it is a lovely, feminine, gracious thing to love the people around me in small and simple ways when life is very big and complicated, and I ask for warm words and warm smiles for the people around me.
But I don’t just end there. We know we have to put others in God’s hands, but the truth is we have to put ourselves there as well. 1 Peter 3:32 says, “When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.” He continued entrusting himself–so this bringing our weaknesses, and crying out for strength, and entrusting ourselves to God, isn’t a one and done thing, it’s ongoing, sometimes daily, sometimes, hourly practice.
Our ministry problems are big and real. Our ministry pain runs deep. Our real hope is that God is bigger and His grace runs deeper. So we lean back–not from pain and problems–but into Him.
Taking It Further:
Sit quietly with the Lord, bring Him your hurts and weaknesses. Ask for specific strength and grace for your specific trials. What does it mean to entrust yourself to the Lord in this situation?