He’s a narcissist. She’s a narcissist.
This term for an extremely self-centered person has been bandied about so much in recent years that it has become almost trendy to use it to describe people who are difficult; almost as much as the word ‘toxic’.
So…why do we use it so much? And why is it that we feel it describes so many people around us?
Maybe it’s because we can relate?
Our concept of a narcissist is derived from the story of Narcissus by the Roman poet Ovid. This man was so enamored with himself when he looked at his reflection in the water that he stayed there looking at himself and pining away for his reflection to return his affection until he wasted away and died.
The tragedy of this story is that, if we are honest with ourselves, each one of us has the potential to end up in this state. If we surf the internet for even a short time, it’s clear that we present ourselves as perfectly made-up, self-declared experts on everything from toenails to the stars in the galaxy, all the while gazing unceasingly at the self reflected back in the screens we carry day and night.
As fallen creatures who desire to set ourselves up as gods, we are truly in love with ourselves: our opinions are worth being heard by the world, even if they have no sense; our feelings must be validated, allowed and indulged; our decisions must be affirmed and supported by all, merely because they are mine. It’s little wonder that we are constantly bumping into one another!
We’re in a sorry state if this is where it all ends. Like Narcissus, we will waste away at that reflection pool, alone, despairing and, eventually, dead.
What is the cure? We know, as believers, that Christ alone is the cure for this sin-sick obsession with self, but once we are rescued from that fate and placed in the Father’s hand, we also have to actively live as a member of His family, too.
That family is the Body of Christ, and the remedy for our selfishness is to replace our selfish love with true love for one another. Various lists have been compiled regarding how many “one anothers” are referred to in the New Testament, either explicitly or implicitly. But there is no debate that the one around which all the others are centered is ‘love one another’.
It was, in fact, Jesus’ parting command to His disciples in the Upper Room before He left them to illustrate its very truth through His own suffering and death on our behalf. Having just washed their feet, humbling Himself as a slave, He charges them: “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:34-35, emphasis mine).
He said it three times: love one another. Why? Because this is what defines and sets apart His disciples as Jesus-followers: they love one another.
Loving self should no longer be the standard. Rather, our standard is now to love selfl
essly as Christ loved us.
The problem is that most people don’t define those of us who call ourselves Christians as loving people. If they do, it’s usually a watered-down version of love we call tolerance that looks just like the false love the world offers.
What makes loving one another like Jesus commanded different? What makes a church so compelling to others? When the members of a church body love one another as Jesus has loved us–sacrificially, humbly, extravagantly, with faithful devotion, without reservation–then the world has to take notice.
Whew! This is a tall order, but it’s time we lived up to it, because when we do, our churches will start spilling over. That kind of a love is so attractive, others will be compelled to know what makes our church different.
That is our exhortation, our challenge, for this 10th anniversary season at Flowers for the Pastor’s Wife. We look forward to exploring with you what all these ‘one anothers’ really mean and how they should look in our lives and our churches.
If we keep gazing at ourselves, grasping for our own wants, needs, and desires over others, it will only lead to destruction, misery, and utter loneliness.
Jesus has a better way: denial of self and love for Him and one another.
Now that is a truly beautiful way of loving that is worth reflecting on and sharing with the world. Even better, its end is eternal life.
Taking it Further:
What bodies of believers have you been a part of that have truly loved one another? What kinds of attitudes and actions characterized them? How can you increase in those characteristics in your relationships with others in your current church?
References:
The poem by Ovid about Narcissus:
https://ovid.lib.virginia.edu/trans/Metamorph3.htm#476975714
A list of the 59 One Anothers the Flowers Team will use this year as we explore together the ‘one anothers’ in Scripture: