This is Part III of III, be sure to read Part I and Part II for the full story and context.
Legalism is the idea that our standing before God, our righteousness, is determined by our ability to conform to rules. Legalism tries to accomplish through legislation what only the Holy Spirit can accomplish through the heart.
One of the difficult things about leading a church is that you rarely get the opportunity to lay all the details out on the table for everyone to hear. It could be considered slanderous or divisive to share the conversations that happened behind closed doors. As a shepherd, we are called to handle our flock with care, and yet when we throw out their “buddy” who was a wolf in sheep’s clothing, we’re not always able to fully explain why without muddying the waters or further wounding the church, and that can stir up distrust and confusion in the flock.
Even as I write these words, knowing they will be public in a matter of days, I hesitate to share openly, especially because Part III is our current season. The story is actively unfolding. To be honest, I am a little fearful that my words will be read and misinterpreted by people in my community (or strangers).
Our intentions aren’t always understood or appreciated by others. We don’t get to control how someone else receives what we have to say.
So, do I trust the Holy Spirit or not?
He says He is my Helper, so I am asking Him to do just that in this instance. Help me write words that build up, not tear down. Help me be clear without being harsh. Keep me humble and dependent upon You. Help the ones reading this to have grace and understanding. Amen.
2023-2026 “Free as a Bird”
God’s timeline is not ours.
You would think I would have a pretty good grasp on that after walking with Him for three decades, but somehow it still surprises me.
When we limped out of 2023, banged up but sure-footed, I thought, oh, thank the Lord, we’re crossing the finish line. But it turns out the line in my sights was not the finish line, it was the starting line.
After so many years of waiting, fighting, questioning, and resolving, the Jen of three years ago was shocked that we were just getting started.
God often works in cycles of life, death, and rebirth.
Even as I sit here on this October afternoon I see the leaves of my aspen trees turning yellow. They will die, fall to the ground, nourish the soil with their decay, and then new life will come. Our bodies go through these cycles too, skin cells and hair shedding, muscles breaking down so that they can be built back stronger.
Life, death, rebirth. Over and over all the time.
To me, it seemed like now that the thing that kept tripping us up was out and exposed, we would finally start running full steam ahead. I figured the seats would be full, the people would be pumped, and the vibes would be high. It was time for rebirth! But there were still things that needed to die. Something more than legalism, criticism, and division.
There were things in my own heart that needed to die.
The last three years have been years of grieving for me. I keep thinking we’re just around the corner from “arriving” when another corner comes into view.
I have felt like a failure.
I have questioned my calling.
I have wanted to quit church.
And God, my good Father, my safe place, the One who knows me better than I know myself, loves me enough to take those thoughts captive and say, “Let’s put these to death.”
I needed to die to my expectations of myself, my church, and my community. I had created a timeline and a definition of success in my mind that didn’t align with God’s.
It has been in the very recent months, as summer exhaled and autumn settled in, that my heart can see the rebirth God is doing at our church.
Over the summer we changed our name to Evergreen Church.
Our leaders chose this very intentionally. We wanted a name that spoke to our surroundings (we are located in the largest Ponderosa Pine forest in the United States), and was also symbolic of God’s goodness and wisdom in every season. His love is evergreen.
Evergreen Church is the beginning, not the end.
Evergreen Church is the starting line.
God is doing a new thing. I titled this article “Free as a Bird” because that is exactly how Sunday mornings feel to me now. We are small, but we are free. There are less people, but the singing is louder than ever. We are not perfect, and don’t expect perfection, but there is joy. There isn’t grumbling, there aren’t critics sitting in the pews with their red pens poised, no one is collecting ammo from someone else’s vulnerability. There is FREEDOM.
My friends, the fight for freedom is a battle worth fighting.
A church shackled by legalism is a dying church. No matter what the numbers look like, if our foundation is anything other than Christ and Christ alone, we are a body without a head.
If we are striving and keeping accounts and pulling out our measuring stick, we are living like the Pharisees. We are rejecting the Good News that the finished work of Jesus fulfilled the law. We are living under Satan’s operating system.
Legalism is not “erring on the conservative side,” it is a work of the flesh and is in direct opposition to the Gospel.
The battle for freedom will be difficult. There will be things that have to die. You will be misunderstood, accused, blamed. There will be casualties. But God is the great Restorer. Nothing is beyond His goodness and His redemption. Keep taking the next right step. Keep evaluating your expectations and humbly handing them to the Lord. Keep fighting the good fight.
Even after the victory, the practical side of leading a church is still a reality and I pray daily for God to meet those needs, because freedom is great but we still need to run a nursery, you know what I mean?
The difficulty of being a small church shouldn’t be glossed over. Every week there are struggles to meet needs. Everyone who shows up on Sundays right now is all in, they’re invested, they’re committed, they spur me on to keep going. I can trust that in His timing He will fill all the gaps that those of us who are already here cannot fill. He loves this church more than I ever could.
And I believe He is just getting started.
Grace + Peace
Taking it further:
- Where have you seen God show up for you in ways you didn’t expect? How can counting that fruit encourage you in your current season?
- Is there something you need to “put to death” in your own heart? Lies you believed? Agendas you held to? Control you haven’t released? Take time to ask God to help you put to death what needs to die, so that new life can flourish.